Friday, October 29, 2004

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Halloween o Rama

THIS IS MY 100TH Post! That means 100 straight days of unproductivity at the office :)

So once again a major holiday is upon us, and no one can decide what to do. Here is my ideal halloween plans for this year. Friday night, go to jen and katies little suare in the highlands. The evite has girls outnumbering guys 4:1. never in the history of evites have the vajinas stacked up so deep compared to the pene. Its too bad i am dressing like the biggest homosexual man on the planet, otherwise dinkle was a lock. saturday check out some football, pre game, go to eisenbergs for some cocktails and donuts and bbq apparently. then hoof it/cab it to Park Tavern for the 3000+ party spiralween. Get on stage, win $1000 in costume competition, leave park tavern, get limo to 1150, get a table and however many hookers and bottles you can get for a thousand bones. sunday recover in time for 4:30 routing of denver broncos by atlien falcons. vick dashes for 100+ yards, 4 TDs thrown, plus warrick dunn actually opens up a can in just one game all season.

Next, here are my top 10ish lists for halloween. some of them were a lot funnier yesterday when i was in a chronic state of chronic, but here goes.

DISCLAIMER: Any of these costumes are perfectly fine to wear. The sexier and more scantilly clad the better. But if you want to keep a guys interest on halloween, at least be more original.

TOP 10 Most Played Out Halloween Costumes
Playboy Bunny
A Cat
Dirty Nun
French Maid
Fairy Godmother
Belly Dancer/Genie

Top 8 Most Wanted Halloween Costumes
Girl Scout with crotchless panties
Dirty Office Secretary w/ rimmed glasses
Leather Clad St. Pauli Girl
Sexy Blonde Ladycop with Vibrating Billystick
Group of Naughty Lingerie Pillow Fighting Girls
Lollipop Girl With 70s Hairdo
Roller Girl with Oral Fixation
High School Nurse with "Footlong" Ruler for Slapping
Halloween story (fiction or no?)
One halloween i ate 2 1/2 brownies and caught counting crows at The Tabernacle. (10/31/02) I was completely cocked and had so many jack and cokes i have no idea what any of the songs were. I just remember seeing adam duritz in the infamous halloween pink bunny costume. (Hop on my choo choo ill be your engine driver in a bunny suit, if you dress me up in pink and white we may be just a little fuzzy bout it later tonight) Somehow get home to buckhead where i accidentally drunk IM a little jewish girl who is a self-declared nympho. she tells me to come over and its all over when i walk in to find her in a little fuzzy blue pajama top thing, nothing on under. do all that shit and accidentally pass the fuck out at about 5 in the morning. (4 hour sess, not bad eh ladies?) wake up at 8 and awkwardly leave. walk around the parking lot for about 30 minutes in the blinking cold searching for my car. lipstick on my dipstick, head pounding worse than a mike tyson opponent, the car is nowhere to be found. now i have to go BACK to the girls door and get her to drop me off at a buddies. miraculously wake up skanciel and pass out on their futon until 3 pm. call police and towing places, no picking up the phone on friday morning apparently. get a ride home. pass out for more hours. get picked up to go out the next night. then on saturday call the tow place to find out that my car has been there for 2 days. get a ride there, shell out $170. fucking best halloween ever.
Dont you wish you worked for the MAN?!? Then you could go to office parties.....

The hardware guy who definitely does NOT want to be here.

The most excited worker in the room, getting ready to play some fun 'Halloween Office Games'!
(she's a swing state)

More excited coworkers!

Dudes, open your fucking eyes! (the only cool coworker in the whole 'joint')

And last but certainly not least... a little candy for your eyes.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

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Yadda and some more Yadda

This picture is for Amanda, who loves-- LOVES blumpkins.

anyhoo, snap back to reality. So i didnt want to say i told you so... but, i told you so.

Last thing: Halloween costumes. Over the course of my life i have always incorporated my ridiculous jewfro into my costume. Kramer, Broccoli, Jay. This year i had a lot of options.... i was thinking about going as Ben Wallace from the pistons, but i really dont feel like buying a fucking detroit jersey.

Then I figured I could go as Don King... my michi buddy told me to put baby powder in my hair, that would do the trick. Plus ladies love babies, so i think its a shoe-in there... just get a tux, some bling, and speak in complete gibberish (which was the plan 18 drinks in anyway)

But, I have finally decided on a costume that would be HILARIOUS. as long as i get real real real fucked up so that i can act insane, ridiculous, off the wall excited about the dumbest things.... then i can probably pull it off. does anyone know where i can get some fake chest hair? ladies, what are my percentages on getting head,sex,and anal if i wear this shit? thank you and that is all.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

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7 Burning Questions with Kim Jong il

Kim Jong il. Enlightened despot? communist dictator who rules with an iron fist? or just a crazy asian polygamist who likes getting his dinkle waxed? american reporters can only hypothesize how he acts out his political stronghold from high atop Kumsusan Palace in the heart of Pyongyang. but our visiting reporter Teeyen Tee got down and dirty with the most nuclearly uncapable ruler in the world to talk of pastimes and the good old days of childhood. (to be read with team america voice in mind)

Hello Kim Jong, thank you for having me.

1. So right now, you have been grouped with Osama binLaden and Sadam Hussein in Bush's euphamism-happy campaign speeches re: axis of evil. do you think this is a fair label?
First i want to say, thank you fow having me. i hear many good things about vicklanta. Eviw? i dont know about all that... my nuclear abiwity should hawdwy be of concern to you amewicans. we would only dwop these bombs on ouw fwiendly and woving neighbors to the south. or china. or japan. all in all lots of asians would die so i dont understand amewican invowvement. but yes, i am eviw. vewwy vewwy eviw.

2. It has been said that you are addicted to the internet. what are some of the things you like to search for out there on the superweb?
Oooh, ya man. the intewnet is gweat! the best part about the wowd wide web is all the titties and vaj shots out theaw. blondes. american cowgiwl. and i am a sucker fo googling victowias secwet stash of granny panties. its an oedipus thing you wouldnt undewstand either.

3. Speaking of oedipus issues, it has been reported that you ordered the assasination of your own mother. care to comment?
Hey, the cwazy bitch had it coming. she used to tease me about my big stwong daddy issues. so when i was about 9 i got my first samuwai swowd and 'cut the chickens head off' if you know what i mean.

4. Does your height play an adverse role in your ability to rule korea?
heyy. you say another fucking ting about my height and you die real fast ok american?

I hear you wear platform shoes right? steve madden or nine west?
do you not speak engwish you fuck? no mow questions about my height!

5. Fine, tell us about your relationship with afghanistan and osama. or saddam and iraq. whichever, its all the same axis of evil right?
Well, i suppowt osamas cause as if it were my cause. fucking westewn amewicans and their economy ruining asia. but one time for saddams kids biwfday i went out to a huge pawace pawty in Usay's honor. i thought i held the weigns on nice amewican blonde girls, but those guys know how to extort! the hookah room is still a bluw, but i wemember giving someone a blumpkin and usay taking a digi picture of it. i know i have it here somewhew.

6. It has also been reported that you have an enormously large.... IQ. why do all asians have big IQs?
I guess it has to do with a few factows. When i was a child i took kumon. Its a way to dwill math and science into a child so they will gwow up stwong and resiwient. you amewicans have vewwy lawge penis. we koweans have extwemewy small penis. so small. you amewican wives must like very large amewican penis. our wives dont like how teeny tiny ours are. so so small.

7. I am just going to name some american celebrities and you tell me achya or nish nish.
Paris/Nicky Hilton - achya. i would tie them to my bed and bamboo shoot their asses.
Pamela Anderson - achya. blonde amewican women are twophies to me.
Lucy Liu - nish nish. i aweady have all the asian women i want.
Madeline Albright - woooah. niiish niiish. i have met her up close. she has a 'stache my friend.

Shortly after this interview occurred, kim jong il reniged on his promise to allow freedom of press to print the story. As the reporter was being chased through the streets of north korea, he was able to convince an american tourist to sneak the transcript through his anal cavity- 'lemmiwinks' style- back into america. Teeyen Tee was mysteriously found drowned in his hotel bath tub after overdosing on opiates.

Friday, October 22, 2004

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Diary of a Jersey Girl

7/22/04 - Hey whats up girl. This is lisa and i just had to tell you about the worst night tonight. me and the girls went down to the shoa (shore) and ya know, we had some drinks, some martinis and shit, and i looked so good. i had on my favorite earrings, ya know those hoop ones with the little ballerinas on them. those plus i had on the little tiny red skirt that makes my ass look nice and a little cute bebe tank. awesome. so me and lori met up with these 2 guys who were totally lame. lori's cousin works with this kid at the beach and they wanted to come along so we said ok. but once we got there we totally ditched them. i couldnt have this goober grabbin on my ass and shit. so we started taking shots and of course you know me, i get real fucking horny when i start doin shots. so im rubbin my ass against this hot bartenda and he tells me hes got the fat blunt connection and we should hook up after on the beach. so me and lori drank some more and she grabbed a guy and we headed down there. so when we get down there instead of a joint this guy pulls out a fucking dildo and was like yo can we make a porn? i was all freaked out and drunk i had to tell him to fuck off. so we left and went back home. then i sat there drunk in the hallway complaining about boys for like 3 hours. boys suck! why do they always just want to fuck and not be my boyfriend. fuck em, im just gonna chill with my girls and club it up! peace girl.

7/15/04- hey whats up girl. not too much to say, i went clubbing again this weekend. i had to go to the tanning booth because i kinda look like shit now that we cant chill at the beach all day and party all night. so we did shots and i met this cute guy jay. he had a buddy named bob and apparently these two do the exact same shit i do. sit, smoke, drink, fuck. its all about the party right. so i was chilling with jay when he pulled out a big bag of doobie snax. smoked some down and then ya know, he totally asked for some 'snoogins'. apparently thats head because i mowed down. the weird part was his friend bob just sat there and watched his boy pound me. i was so stoned i didnt care. i left my favorite panties over there. hope he tacks em up on the bedpost. later girl!

7/8/04- hey girl, fuck boys. boys suck! thats it...headed down to the shore. gotta go!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

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Does My Vote Even Matter?

November is rapidly approaching and this year, despite what all americans want to say are the real issues, terrorism and the war in iraq are at the top of the list of concerns.

everytime someone talks about georgia voters to me, i always assume that my democratic vote doesnt count. i mean, georgia is republican. atlanta is democratic. but the bumpkins far outweigh the normal ITP people, so usually republicans take this state. however, i did a little research and found out some weird shit. Like in 1980, when jimmy carter ran for president, almost every county in georgia voted democratically... after all, carter is from here. we were one of the only 4 states to cast electoral democratic votes that year, and reagan became prez despite georgia. in 1984, the state almost did a complete 180 when Walter Mondale ran against reagan's re-election.

1980 vs. 1984
These two pictures show how crazy georgians sway their votes based on the carter situation.

But... in 1992, georgia did it again. they actually voted for another democrat, and it had nothing to do with the candidate being georgian.... he was a governor of arkansas.

So you see, Georgia's votes are not completely lost forever to W in '04. (in 1996, clinton lost in ga by a mere 27,000 votes. ross perot clearly had an impact, taking 146,000 votes away)

Another crazy thing about georgia is, its population is increasing at about 175,000 people per year, most of them being hispanic/russian/asian/indian, aka not white people. if all these ethnic groups got off their fucking asses and voted, i sense that georgia would turn democratic in a heartbeat.

This year, i believe the most people in history will be voting for president. in 1988-2000, georgia barely cracked 45% of their state actually voting. in atlanta, half the metropolitan population is black. HALF! if they vote then kerry is a lock in this state.

Check out these bar graphs of the 4 biggest counties in georgia for 1996 and 2000. Dekalb and Fulton are pretty much the atlanta area. Gwinnett and Cobb are right outside the city... basically stuffy white people who want to become rich beyond their years.

1996 voting results for 4 largest GA counties

2000 voting results for 4 largest GA counties

so the point of all this is, i should move to cobb county to make my vote count. that pretty much blows.

last thing, i swear. check out this website. apparently you find a partner in another state who will vote for your candidate as long as you promise to vote for theirs. i mean, this website pretty much undermines the electoral process but then again, so do hanging chads. pretty crazy concept though...

i guess i will be voting this year after all. Nader in '04!

Fashion Consulting- 201

So winter is quickly approaching the city of atl. This basically means that the temperature will fluctuate from high 70s to low 40s at random through november, leaving no snow, with an occasional icy storm that shuts down schools, highways, and the .gov because no one here can fucking drive in bad weather. some other things that come around this time of year are halloween (in which i make my costume center around my ridiculous haircut), thanksgiving (which remembers how we raped and pillaged this land to settle it), and of course hannuka/christmas (aka all the more reason to NOT go to lenox mall ever).

I have some more fashion commentary, and since youve gotten this far i am gonna lay it on ya.

First up, we had a few visitors this weekend in the duplex. now since both of the visitors read the blog and my roomie currently doesnt, i feel like today is a forum to tell michelle a semi-funny story. before you ever arrived in atlanta, before my roomie spent hours upon hours IMing you, we had a little convo about our new pad before we moved in. Jonny made it very clear that there was one unanimous rule. i went along with it because i figured what are the chances i would ever have to break it. the rule was: NO BURBERRY IN OUR HOUSE. no bringing back a girl or 5 from the highlands if they were donning scarves, purses, jackets, sweaters, whatever the fuck other products burberry makes. i would like to once again call shenanigans on jon for breaking his own proclamation. although you were funny and a smartass and the boy obviously digs you, you really arent welcome back inside our house until that bylaw is re-worded. sucks.

Second, the approaching winter can mean only one thing for womens fashion.... time to dig deep in the closet and break out the ugliest unpleasant unsightly fashion icon from the 21st century: Ugg Boots. girls, ugg boots are only cute on the models from the magazines who are wearing them. please find a new way to keep your feet warm in the cold without wearing ridiculous fashionable spacewalking boots with fur popping out the top. im sure there are cute wool socks for sale somewhere.... just put the uggs down and slowly step away from the cashier.

Third, this is not necessarily related to winter... im sure most of you wont be donning your high heels and skirts anymore. but.... i think i speak for all boys when i say that witch shoes also need to be abandoned as a trendy fashion item. now i am not talking about all dress shoes... most of the things you all wear look real hot and i wouldnt give away high heels for anything. but... shoes that look like you had to bind your feet to get in them are quite unappealing to the men. i mean, we know you have 5 toes in there somewhere, but where could they possibly all fit in the witch shoes?

Fourth, and this one really really REALLY needs to leave the scene. What is with the new JLo poncho look? men really despise this look, and ill tell you why. first off, the poncho drapes over you like a fucking plastic bag, not allowing you to accentuate natural curves that most clothing will do. also, the poncho covers your ass from a man's gaze... what is the point of wearing something if it doesnt let your ass show? i have seen more cute girls wearing the poncho now than ever before... and yet this look is not becoming, not attractive, and of course not sexy in the least bit.

Finally, underwear apparel. Underroos are cool, i think. i mean as long as they arent tooo boyish, like he-man underroos or something unsexy like scooby doo or transformers, i am down with the chicky underroos. here is what is not sexy.... weird lacey/ruffled boyshorts, where you cant tell if its supposed to be cute or sexy. unfortunately this mixture sends it to the opposite spectrum: totally hideous. if you are going to try and be cute underneath, stick with cute. if you are trying to be sexy, you know that thongs are the way to go. but no more of these weird lacey seethrough boyshorts underwear. its fucking weird and definitely not cool.

Monday, October 18, 2004

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the michael coren i know is way cooler than this toolbox.
(and i bet his sister is cuter too...)

Drugs and the War on Terrorism

Well everyone, its monday. I have a new conspiracy theory, or a political topic of discussion, or whatever the hell its called when i smell suspect shit going down in the .gov

So i cant think of how many times i have heard bush talk about how illegal drugs are a source of funds for terrorism. like, when i go to my buddy's place and pick up a zip, that money somehow channels itself all the way back to osama bin laden terrorism campaign 2K5. first off, the kids are jews. secondly, those guys spend it on aquariums and plasma screens not wmd's and all these other euphemisms that we use in the 'war on terror.' to somehow link greens to biological weapons seems slightly insane. and yet americas 'war on drugs' has somehow become intertwined with americas 'war on terrorism.'

A few weeks ago, there was a tragic terrorist attack on a russian school, where 300+ kids were killed. The terrorist who claimed responsibility is a Chechen guerrilla rebel and he has been blamed for many more innocents dying to prove his point. Vladmir Putin has been fighting against him since 1999, you can just go to if you want to look it up yourself. in the news today, autopsies reveal that the terrorists were extremely high on heroin... in fact they were so high that bullets didnt hurt them after forces ambushed the group inside the school. during the three day holdout, they didnt feed any children and didnt eat either.... classic case of someone on a 3-day bender ala lance sumrall. take a look at this linky... when i read this story today i dismissed it as well. This shit sounds like propaganda to me! I call shenanigans.

The reason why bush links terrorism to drugs is because Afghanistan is the largest grower of poppy plants in the world-- they also harbour tons of terrorists. usually fundamentalist druglord terrorists can be seen tanning at the Al-AzZahir Country Club, betting on the camels over at BinDaliaMala Camel Track, or even golfing on the expansive 18-hole Mass Grave Genocide links. i think its a little suspect that the fully armed, fully tactical group of terrorists, who had to be in a state of mind to operate sophisticated gun/bomb shit, also happened to be on a 3-day rush of the #1 drug linked to osama bin laden and afghanistani terror.

here now is the George W. Bush equation for figuring out who to start a war with.

Finally, an actual article i found from the Clinton era. (link to full)

Given the overall decrease of state financial support, and in
some cases because of the nature of their organization, terrorists have looked
to alternative sources of funding, which have included narcotics production and
trafficking. Some terrorists have developed loose mutually beneficial
relationships with drug traffickers to support both the terrorists and drug
traffickers' interests.

That said, I would caution against thinking that international
terrorism generally is dependent upon funds from drug trafficking or
international crime. There have been reports that some individuals involved in
Middle East terrorism have profited from the drug trade through Lebanon. But
most terrorist groups or their supporters are not dependent on drug revenues --
they usually have a "diversified portfolios" of fundraising. Sources include
their ideological supporters, money siphoned off of legitimate and illegitimate
charities, legitimate companies that are used to generate profits and transfer
funds for terrorist groups, and ordinary crime, such as extortion and

See! truth rears its ugly head. On a side note, the only countries in the world whose populations are in support of Bush over Kerry are Russia and Israel. All three are determined that fighting terrorism is at the top of the list of shit to get done. The survey was taken right after the terrorist school attacks.

So what did we learn from todays blog, class? If you smoke marijuana, youre killing brain cells. If you inject heroin, youre killing the world. America, Fuck Ya!

Friday, October 15, 2004

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A Game of Pool (?)

So, do you wanna play? I look up to see a little feisty white girl, 5'2, 106, niceuns, cute country face, definitely dinkle. stunna as mcgiggler would say i say. i dont know, you look like youre pretty good. well i am just ok at pool, maybe i can be good for you later on tonight. haha, my mind cracks up at the ridiculous line and yet i know she is just playing the same fucking game as i am. rack em up. i grab the q and throw it hurling down the green. did you want something to drink? id rather finish this game and then go get something to eat. did she just look down at my crotch? while she said she wanted something to eat? ya i could be down with grabbing a slice. and stuff. game over. me 1, she 0. follow me, i know a little spot we can go chill. so i blast the 96rock. smoke a bogie. smoke a biz. and i am feelin pretty cocked. we end up on a grassy hill. far from the traffic, smog. stars are actually visible in the georgia sky. roll down your windows and let me put this CD in. Goodies - Ciara featuring Petey Pablo plays on the bose. take off your clothes and let me dance for you. holy shit. no problem. has a girl ever stripped for you before. nope, cant say that i have had that. no touching, just watch. clothes come off. beatline is dropping perfectly. i bet you want that body. betchu thought about. ekke ekkke ekke. shit shes like rolling her thong all up in my shit. her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. this is the fucking craziest thing ive ever been a part of. lay out the blanket. eat lunch down at the Y. meat flute is played next. then do that other thing. awkwardly make chit chat and have another cig. drive home. take a shower to clean the scandalous off of myself.

this is all i could think of to write today. i have no idea if it really happened or not.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

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Have You Seen This Schlong?

Atlanta is full of landmarks. Famous places or pitstops that tourists to this city must visit. Stone Mountain, Centennial Olympic Park, Turner Field, CNN, The Varsity. These are the sites that includes in its "must see" section. Alas, there are also plenty of tourist sites to be taken in that only true intown atlanta residents can vouch for. I have blogged about a few... claremont lounge, pink pony, waffle houses. These are the real experiences that ATLiens encounter and have no one to tell but their out of town friends who would never believe some of the crazy shit that goes on down here.

Then of course there are the landmarks that dont show up in any books. The ones that dont fit into a category, have loads of entertainment value, and yet continually get left out of travel guides to the south.


WARNING: The pictures you are about to see are not fictitious. They were taken by a real photographer using a digital cell phone camera and a penchánt for large schlongs. If you see this schlong in real life, slowly back away.

Of course! If it isnt the Dude from Ponce. ATLiens probably have thousands of stories related to this guy. (story 1 / story 2 / story 3 / story 4) No one knows his name, no one knows what he does all day... all we know is that he still rocks the tight spandex biker pants and uses 4 legs to walk on. Usually he is seen rocking the gray or white shorts, but sometimes he does get a little crazy with BRIGHT purple or BRIGHT neon blue. Anything to divert your eyes from his massive member down below.

Here is what we do know: He waits for the bus, but never takes it anywhere. He has a small circling pattern wherever he is standing, allowing all passersby to view the schlong in 360 degree fashion. There are no visible balls, just a massive dinky. And... he eats at Publix.

Of course if i were taking these pictures we would have had a full interview, but my boy Jonny Kaz is a shy character and didnt get real in-depth with the dude from ponce with the giant wang.
ATL tourists, before you call your trip a success you need to cruise up and down Highland Ave by Ponce looking for this walking, bulging, hunka hunka man in all his faded biker shorts and glory.

ATL residents, stories are very much appreciated. Any interaction or comedic antecdotes re: large large schlong on ponce. Thank you, that is all.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

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Gamers of the World Unite

Remember when we were little kids, and our parents succumbed to the nagging cries and pressure to buy this new 8-bit nintendo gaming system that was supposed to be revolutionary compared to the atari? Well i remember it...hours of time went into Double Dragon, Duck Tales, Tetris, Zelda, Mario Bros... all the classics. My mom would constantly bitch that i was wasting time... video games led to nothing.

Aha! finally i was right about something.... video gamers are now winning lots of cash around the world. This week, there is a global video game competition. Now i know it sounds nerdy. it is. but to someone who gambles money on the roll of the dice, the cards that flop, and a little white ball dropping into one of 37 slots on a wheel, i think it makes sense that you can get money for your video gaming skillz.

This week in san fran is the World Cyber Games. 5-days, 700 people, 64 countries, and $400,000 up for grabs. God damn thats a lot of money. The USA had a mini-competition to see who would represent us... the games are: Starcraft(pc), WarCraft III, FIFA Soccer, Need For Speed, Project Gotham Racing, Halo, and Counter Strike. Ahh yes, Halo. The game i can usually smoke people in....

So i may as well confess right now. At the age of 22, i entered a video game tournament. (if you google my full name, thats the first thing that pops up) Me and 50 other people threw in $20 to play at this 'gaming station' in dunwoody, ga. The age range was from 16-26 and people actually came from NC, northern GA, anywhere in a 150 mile radius to test their halo skills and compete for cash, prizes, and a chance to play regional and nationally against others. the first day i came in first place. it was all for one and i stomped people. little kids were crying. moms were upset. asians were enraged. and curly headed ix just laughed it up. the next day a black guy with the handle 'Hitler' asked if i wanted to team up since only 2 people qualified. i knew he was good, and yet for some reason i just couldnt team up with a guy named hitler.... i dunno, just wasnt in me. of course he just asked someone else and Hitler and his Goebbels cohort won 1st and 2nd the next day. oh well, so much for that.

Dont underestimate the gaming industry... since back in the days of nintendo, video gaming has become a multi-BILLION dollar industry. People even purchase cell phone games nowadays. And there is even a video game tv network, where people just watch other people play video games. EA Sports is challenging EVERYTHING. As long as Halo 2 is as badass as people say, and Madden keeps pushing new NFL games each year, i will be more than happy to devote countless hours and hours and hours of my life to being a nerd.

Monday, October 04, 2004

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Hip, Hip Hop, Hip Hop Anonymous?

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. how was your twerkend? mine was fascinating. friday was a bust, saturday was football all day, sunday was nfl and poker, and now back at the grind. i did happen to do one of the coolest things i have done in this city this weekend, and i have my buddy amardeep to thank.

so its saturday, and i'm sure this happens in most college towns, but in atl/athens the city is oozing with fucking G hats, red G shirts, G this, G that; G...why dont you suck my balls Georgia. thats right, the 4-0 bulldawgs are wrecking the SEC and my redneck buddies (thats right juice, i said redneck) had a UGA party at their new place to celebrate. normally you couldnt catch me dead at a bulldogs party but the keg-HD-big screen combo was kind of a lock for watching football. (even if my bet didnt pan out)

but after heading out at the 3rd quarter, i was ready to go into curl mode. dj sensei extreme was planning a night out at one of the god awful clubs in this town and i felt like i was going to get dragged in if no other plans came to fruition. under normal circumstances, here is how a big group of us going out together typically happens. everyone just sits at their own place or kinda meets up at one or two places. lots of pre-gaming. then everyone calls everyone to figure out where to go. since everyone is passive agressive about this (even me), no locale gets decided until 11ish. then once the locale is decided, people have to figure out how to skance out of driving, drink a lot more, call whoever else they want to go, wait until those extra people arrive, then finally around 12:30ish the crew goes out. and then, wherever they went closes 2 hours later. this, my friends, is not the way to operate.

so i was pretty happy when my man deepa called and was like yo shuster you still wanna roll to that show? yup. whose going? just us. aiiight, ill pick you up in 10.

the show was located in east Atlanta, a place i dont really hang out in enough but probably should. i mean, the yuppies in highlands are starting to weigh on me and east atl provides a new variety of alternative chicas. the show was at the Echo Lounge and on the mic was the almighty lord of freestyle from blackalicious... The Gift of Gab.

Now some of yalls white people may not even recognize who the gift of gab is. To you its just another nigga with a mic. but this dude tore up the mostly white audience with his crazy ass beats, sick freestyle ability, and nasty speed whilst he spit the lyrics. they almost didnt come because presales tickets were a joke... but the echo lounge filled out with at least 200 people. if you dont know who this guy is or what his shit sounds like, i believe you can sample some at this here linky.

Now as badass as this show truly was, the surprising crowd pleaser was the DJ on beforehand. 25ish, asian dude with glasses, 4 turntables and a microphone. DJ Mike Relm. He mixed together some of the fucking craziest tunes i have ever heard. and he was sick at switching, scratching, spinning, whatever else those dudes are doing up there when they are wheeling their shit. go to his site, check him out... he puts scratching to the peanuts, hendrix, simon and garfunkel, etc.

this hip hop show was phat, and after getting suped up in a sketchy back alley at halftime, it was definitely one of the coolest shows i have been to ever. it was hiphopaliscious.

Friday, October 01, 2004

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Kerry Sucks... but Bush Swallows

Ah yes, the mature title to handle what is built up to be our nation's greatest hour. the politico debates. by me talking about this today, does that make me fall into jon stewart's trap of just letting the bloggers do all the work? not really, i dont ever ever pay attention to politics. i could give two shits about last night's debate. no matter what the candidates say, i know that they will do whatever they want once they are in office.

everyone who was asked who won the debate obviously paid attention to the other party candidate's mistakes. like when they asked republican mayor rudolph guliani, he of course declared the debate a big success for bush and further indication that kerry is flippy floppy. democratic former candidate wesley clark obviously throwing his support towards kerry, displaying a unified democratic front for the cameras.

today bush supporters say that bush represented his plan very straight forwardly and was honest and upfront with the people about his ideas for the next 4 years. kerry had times when he would make very succinct and precise points, and others when he trailed off and lost the audience before being 'red lighted' to shut the fuck up.

here is where i stand on this issue. i am a jewish boy right in the middle, leaning more to the left. i have never actually showed up to vote in an election in 6 years. not once. i dont know what we should do about iraq. i dont know how you solve the nucular crisis in north korea. i dont know the first thing about terrorist cells in america or the world. i dont even know if we are just being scared by the media or if the threats legitimately exist in this country.

but i do know this. every time george bush opens his mouth lies spew forth worse than a bad night of binge drinking and a serving of spicy chili. he is resolved in his intentions to lie his lies away. at least kerry is starting with a clean slate of lies to build for the next 4 years. and that my friends is why i have to vote for kerry. nothing will sway me and i probably will not show up to vote anyway.