Kentucky Derby 2005
You’ve waited long enough…without further ado, here is the rundown of Kentucky Derby 2005.
The cast: shoobie, jonny, mikeC, swilliams
Extras: Shih-dogg, photographer. Diver, the 2nd driver. Divers wifey, moral support.
Background: jonny had been to the derby before, but the trip had been more about visiting grandmas than drinking whiskey. Mike and swill were from FL and CT respectively, so the sooner they went to the great state of Kentucky the better. I of course grew up in the ville and support its motto of greatest college sports town in America.
Mission: we didn’t have a checklist or anything, but after reading the late great Hunter S Thompson’s breakdown of derby events in the 60s, we felt the need to get super derby and depraved whilst oogling some nice titty and imbibing the finest whiskey ky had to offer. We also had plenty of nugs in case anyone in ky had figured out that 420 was the best thing to sneak into the infield, not alcohol. Also if we won a million bucks on horse races that would be pretty sweet too.
The trip there was enjoyable. Swill is clutch in the shotgun and is DJ swoove on the CD changing, a mandate of mine from previous car rides with jonny “id rather sleep than do my job” catz. Bowls were packed and of course ridiculous philosophies on life were spit amongst the adventurers. Nuggets of knowledge like:
- 28 is the new 21 [in reference to marriage age going up]
- Derby is the new dirty
- My ixxies…theyre dancing…look at em! [in windy car]
- We’re gonna see a whole bunch of whores this weekend
- They aren’t horses with vaginas dude, theyre phillies!
- Hurry before I have a BM up here
- Lets get our shake on [steak and shake]
- These animals don’t believe in evolution [roadkill in north Georgia]
We arrived at casa del shoob at around 11 pm. My wonderful mother had already set us up with two teacher chicas to take us around. They were really nice girls. Very considerate and nice. We hit up some derby party that was dying down and continued to 4th street live from there. The best thing about bringing out of towners in to the ville is when they order their first round of drinks. “ya ill have 4 jack and cokes and 4 bud lights.” That will be 22 bucks. God damn! Why don’t you just give the shit to us for free! Red bull vodkas were like $6. in a-town they are 9-10 and in nyc they must be 12-14.
The next morning we rolled to get food/drinks and arrived at tailgate central (freedom hall parking lot) and boozed as much as we possibly could. We figured out we weren’t sneaking any alcohol in (thanks to super security) so we twisted 3 and headed to the buses. After waiting in line for tickets, drinks, cash, betting, god knows how long (I don’t even want to say), we finally made it to the infield.
with superfly honeys just packed in to get to drunken debauchery, we knew we were in for a treat. the derby ixperience is hard to put into words. i guess you could say its mardi gras or time square-esque, but we are talking about hundreds of thousands of drunk rednecks trapped in the center of a big horse track. maybe its more like nascar with horses. there is a nice area, called the grandstands, where normal people in coats and ties, dressy nice clothes, big doofy hats, go to call the races. they sip their mint juleps and discuss days past when UK was on top of the world.
rich waspy white people love to wear big hats, seersucker suits, and spot celebs
and then theres these dirty mother fuckers. tshirts, frat visors, joints, booze, just straight naughty.
needless to say, we were caked and sunburnt and fucked up the majority of time. no mud wrestling this year, which was a treat. saturday night we went out to grab some dinner and then went to flanagans, molly malones, wicks pizza, and possibly osheas, i cant remember. heated pool plus weed when we got back, and it was all over from there. the next morning was mothers day, where my mom cooked us omelettes...pretty sweet, and then we were back on the road to ATL shoadie. i hope the memories of the 72 hours of naughty stick with those dudes forever. and for the rest of you who werent there or havent been, hopefully i can entice you with the shit below.
(the images are all censored. roll your mouse over to get some nice money shots. be patient as the images take awhile to load)
**** SCROLL BELOW WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND***
these 2 decided to flash 'cheerleader style'
the girl in green provoked a titty war with this chick
i was quick to point out girl in green wins, take her pics
see, i told you she wins
anyway, thanks to my main man in nyc shih dogg for coming to derby and being smart enough to bring a digi cam. i heart asians who are good at photography.
shih dogg, diver
and of course i hope the sun shines bright on my old kentucky home.