Fashion Consulting- 201
So winter is quickly approaching the city of atl. This basically means that the temperature will fluctuate from high 70s to low 40s at random through november, leaving no snow, with an occasional icy storm that shuts down schools, highways, and the .gov because no one here can fucking drive in bad weather. some other things that come around this time of year are halloween (in which i make my costume center around my ridiculous haircut), thanksgiving (which remembers how we raped and pillaged this land to settle it), and of course hannuka/christmas (aka all the more reason to NOT go to lenox mall ever).
I have some more fashion commentary, and since youve gotten this far i am gonna lay it on ya.
First up, we had a few visitors this weekend in the duplex. now since both of the visitors read the blog and my roomie currently doesnt, i feel like today is a forum to tell michelle a semi-funny story. before you ever arrived in atlanta, before my roomie spent hours upon hours IMing you, we had a little convo about our new pad before we moved in. Jonny made it very clear that there was one unanimous rule. i went along with it because i figured what are the chances i would ever have to break it. the rule was: NO BURBERRY IN OUR HOUSE. no bringing back a girl or 5 from the highlands if they were donning scarves, purses, jackets, sweaters, whatever the fuck other products burberry makes. i would like to once again call shenanigans on jon for breaking his own proclamation. although you were funny and a smartass and the boy obviously digs you, you really arent welcome back inside our house until that bylaw is re-worded. sucks.
Second, the approaching winter can mean only one thing for womens fashion.... time to dig deep in the closet and break out the ugliest unpleasant unsightly fashion icon from the 21st century: Ugg Boots. girls, ugg boots are only cute on the models from the magazines who are wearing them. please find a new way to keep your feet warm in the cold without wearing ridiculous fashionable spacewalking boots with fur popping out the top. im sure there are cute wool socks for sale somewhere.... just put the uggs down and slowly step away from the cashier.
Third, this is not necessarily related to winter... im sure most of you wont be donning your high heels and skirts anymore. but.... i think i speak for all boys when i say that witch shoes also need to be abandoned as a trendy fashion item. now i am not talking about all dress shoes... most of the things you all wear look real hot and i wouldnt give away high heels for anything. but... shoes that look like you had to bind your feet to get in them are quite unappealing to the men. i mean, we know you have 5 toes in there somewhere, but where could they possibly all fit in the witch shoes?
Fourth, and this one really really REALLY needs to leave the scene. What is with the new JLo poncho look? men really despise this look, and ill tell you why. first off, the poncho drapes over you like a fucking plastic bag, not allowing you to accentuate natural curves that most clothing will do. also, the poncho covers your ass from a man's gaze... what is the point of wearing something if it doesnt let your ass show? i have seen more cute girls wearing the poncho now than ever before... and yet this look is not becoming, not attractive, and of course not sexy in the least bit.
Finally, underwear apparel. Underroos are cool, i think. i mean as long as they arent tooo boyish, like he-man underroos or something unsexy like scooby doo or transformers, i am down with the chicky underroos. here is what is not sexy.... weird lacey/ruffled boyshorts, where you cant tell if its supposed to be cute or sexy. unfortunately this mixture sends it to the opposite spectrum: totally hideous. if you are going to try and be cute underneath, stick with cute. if you are trying to be sexy, you know that thongs are the way to go. but no more of these weird lacey seethrough boyshorts underwear. its fucking weird and definitely not cool.