Thursday, April 21, 2005

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Leash Kids

I fully recognize that kids these days are very different than the kids that were around when i was a little curler growing up. we had black/white gameboy with 20 games, all 2D. these kids have fully color enhanced 24 hour battery Gcubex267239 and take them to baseball games because the cartoon Smoltz is more real than the real Smoltz. we had little dinky scooters that went 10 mph max and the wheels got stuck in any mud. kids these days have those badass razor scooters. no one got a blowjob in middle school unless they were dating kristin donut; i mean we were passing notes and being idiots about girls. blowjobs in 6th grade are a dime a dozen nowadays, not to mention text messaging from your sidekick 2 about whose bar mitzvah you wanna hit up this weekend. point being, kids these days are just completely different than we were.

Parenting seems to be pretty standard. I mean there arent vast changes to the way parents are thinking... however you were raised, youre probably going to either be extremely similar or completely opposite if you thought your parents sucked balls. so for example when i become a dad, things like dont point at other people, chew with your mouth closed, look both ways before crossing the street, are just pretty simple lessons that must be drilled inside the kids heads.

so here is what i am wondering... when did a group of parents decide to get together, hijack an idea from the 'discipline' section of the pet store, and put velcro on it for their human children?

Oh come on kid... it cant be THAT fun

I would of course be talking about the child leash. or child harness, as it is more commonly referred to, in order to make it sound nicer and sweeter, with more love, than a leash for your kid. now i know its easy to bash the parents who use the leashes. saying things like: dont you love your child? dont you feel like your child should be able to explore? dont you think the child sees other parents giving you guilty looks? do you run your house like a zoo?

here we see a leash child 'incognito' so his mom wont feel guilty

and of course all these questions are reasonable, considering that you are an ADULT and he is a CHILD and you are supposed to be helping him learn when its ok to run around and when he needs to stay close by. or maybe 'hold my hand while we cross the street, make sure to look both ways'. or maybe 'stay with mommy'. i mean there are probably a million solutions to not resorting to a fucking leash for your child.

even this hippie has issues. 'the damn kid wont mellow out for 5 minutes!'

here is what one momma says: "If you dont want them to run off, teach them not to run off."
here is what another momma says: "...the leash conveys an innapropriate message by using physical force instead of words to keep your child near you"
here is what momma 3 said to those 2 bitches: "listen bitches, i am a neurotic scared to death of anything remotely bad happening to my baby kind of momma. what if he gets a booboo? then i have to deal with the crying!"
and to all 3 of these mommas here is what i say: wrap it up.... wrap it up.

so anyway, i guess i can step off the soapbox until tomorrow. if for some reason you were a leash child, i guess that means you had some behavior issues or poor parent role models, who knows. if you are thinking about leashing your children, you should definitely not fucking do it. i would hate to see pictures in a scrapbook/on the internet one day of me as a child in a leash. and finally, if a kid is out of control and dumb enough to run off into the street or around the mall with no regard for his parents whereabouts... well, my man Darwin already thought that one out.
apologies to my 420 brethren for yesterdays debacle. if i had known it was $9 for your first beer and $4 for each one thereafter, i would never have promoted the event. sweetwater is usually flowing like water for free, i guess this was a charity event. the swarm of cops naturally didnt help. can anyone PLEASE confirm that piedmont park thing? i want to smoke trees there. thank you and have a wonderful day.


At 4/21/2005 1:31 PM, Blogger achoo said...

Wow, glad those didn't exist about 20 years ago. I definitely would have been put on one since I was so damn hyper (not hyper-hypo, but close).

At 5/29/2005 6:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In today's world I don't worry about my child running off as much as I worry about someone grabing him and running off with him. As parents we have to protect them and if putting a harness on them in crowded area makes me a bad parent well so be it. But my 3 sons will be safe at home.

At 5/31/2005 8:35 AM, Blogger shoobie said...

they would probably be better off getting kidnapped

At 11/11/2005 5:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a 5 year old AUTISTIC who doesn't talk or respond to communication. He has no fear and runs away whenever he decides he is bored. How would you control him in a public place?

At 11/14/2005 9:54 AM, Blogger shoobie said...

jesus christ, these moms think i am serious. ok, in the special case that your son cannot respond to any rules then i would say its ok to leash him up... or never bring him in public and chain him to the basement like the dude in desperate housewives.

does that make you feel better about your decision to leash a kid?

At 11/18/2005 2:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No. I don't feel better. You never really answered my question. Everyone else has an opinion on what I should do, so why not you? I have 2 "typical" children and 1 "abnormal" child. How can you treat 1 different than the other 2 and not feel bad? I don't "leash" the autistic child because that would make him angry. I honestly wanted your opinion on what you would do, since you're a parent who is against leashing. NO child is perfect, so you MUST have disciplinary problems with your child(ren).

At 11/18/2005 2:30 PM, Blogger shoobie said...

lady, i am a 25 year old jackass who just tries to think of funny things in society that i can knock. i almost had a kid once, but i agreed that the chick should get an abortion. with a hangar.

see, i really dont have any advice or wisdom to help you out. maybe you should start by not calling him abnormal... autistic kids could be the next step in evolution.

At 11/18/2005 2:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't call him "abnormal", SOCIETY does. You should hear HALF the stuff people tell me. I love him more than anything in this world. I'm just trying to do what's best for him without ruining him.

At 11/18/2005 3:16 PM, Anonymous dpb said...

I have 2 "typical" children and 1 "abnormal" child.

Liar! You totally called your kid "abnormal". Anyways, each kid comes out of the factory with pre-intalled leashes. They are little less fancy than the aftermarket stuff but they give you two of them to make up for it. If you haven't figured out what I'm talking about yet, I'm saying hold your kids freaking hand when you're out in public!

At 11/21/2005 6:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear dpb,

You shut-up. You don't know me. I put it in parenthesis you dumb shit. Parenthesis means what others say. And another thing, No one can hold his hand without pulling his arm out of socket. THAT'S child abuse, Asshole. You go to HELL!

At 11/21/2005 8:27 PM, Anonymous dpb said...

Dear anonymous,

No, I don't know you. I'm not sure of the relevance of that statement, but at least we are in agreement about something.

If parenthesis are supposed to symbolize what others say, then why didn't you use them? You used quotation marks, and to me, that means you are the one calling your child abnormal. And, don't worry. If I believed in hell, I'm most certainly sure that I would be going there.

Thanks for the laughs,
Dumb Shit

At 11/21/2005 10:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear dpb,

The quotation marks were a typo. I'm SURE you've heard of those.

My point of you not knowing me- Until you've observed me with my son, don't assume I think of him as anything other than the light of my life. I refer to him as Autistic not (abnormal). I explain to people that autism is a neurological disorder. I tell them to look at if they would like to learn more on this disorder.

You have NO CLUE as to how I feel about him, so don't judge me and call me a liar. That's what made me mad. It's EASY to tell people your opinion when you don't know what it is they're going through.

At 11/22/2005 11:21 AM, Anonymous dpb said...

Dear anonymous,

A typo is when you say 'teh' instead of 'the'. You used the completely wrong word while you were calling me a dumb shit. I just find that amusing... maybe ironic?

Anyways, I never claimed to know how you felt about your kid. I'm not quite sure how you got the idea that I did.

Also, I never judged you. Instead, I humorously pointed that there are ways to keep your kid close to you without using a leash.

I did call you a liar however and I stand by that. Even though I now know your clever use of parenth... sorry, quotation marks was to symbolize what others say, I'm sure you have lied some other time in your life. For that, I stand my original statement of calling you a liar. Liar!

For the record, at no point in these comments did I ever express an opinion. I said your kid has two hands and that is a fact ... unless he doesn't. Doesn't he?

I do find your hostility immensely amusing and I look forward to your thought-out and articulated response.

Take care and have a wonderful day.

At 11/22/2005 12:22 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Is this the right place to say that I think children taste best in Chili? Gosh, I hope no one is easily offended.

At 11/23/2005 2:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When you are a parent of a special needs child, you are easily offended by a person's comments. It makes you feel like a bad parent when you hear people call your child abnormal, stupid, slow, retarded, etc. or tell you to try something you've already thought of, tried and it failed. You are just as easily offended when you believe that people think you think your child is abnormal, stupid, slow, retarded, etc. When you have a special needs child, you tend to get SERIOUSLY emotional. Not just me- every parent I'VE TALKED TO who has a special needs child feels the exact same way. You catch yourself asking "Why did this happen to ME?" It makes you feel lower than dirt. You eventually accept the situation, but you still feel guilt over the previous thoughts. When dpb mentioned the abnormal comment, it made me feel guilty because I USED to think of him that way. Now I realize (after 2 years of denial) that he is not abnormal he is just the way he is. He might talk and respond one day, but then again, he might not.

At 11/24/2005 9:22 AM, Anonymous dpb said...

First of all, I would like thank shoobie for hosting such an entertaining discussion. I was going to email you to see if you were bothered by this, but you have no email link on your profile.

Anywho... if anyone would like to see the conclusion of my little back-and-forth action with 'anonymous' you can see her's and my last words on my site, Daily Dose of Dave.

Sorry, shoobie, for shamelessly plugging my site here, but I just want you and your readers to see how this thing ends.

At 11/28/2005 9:27 AM, Blogger shoobie said...

anonymous, keep writing dumbass antics. are you really a mom or a 13 year old boy who is bored, scouring the internet. i feel like you could also be my buddy in CONN who played a STARwArsDeathStar666 in one of these blogs.

dpb, i love it. i was on vacation so i couldnt interact entirely. im back. shameless plugs are required on this site, i sell my values down the drain for the right price.

robert, hilarious. i laughed out loud at work, fucker. i will blogrape you later when i have time to read.

if you two like funny ass comment wars, check out this link...
(shameless self-plug)

i have an even funnier behind-the-scenes story related to that post

At 2/08/2006 9:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Before I had a child I watched parents who used leashes for their children in the mall and though "never! A child is not an animal." Well, since having my little girl who is a "typical" very intelligent 22 month old who obeys me well, I have changed my mind. She loves the freedom to explore at the mall and discovering the world is suddenly a exciting propect for her. Instead of holding her hand and keeping her back from exploring so that some freak doesn't grab her, she can have a hell of a lot more fun on a "leash" and ironically feel like she's NOT being restrained by me! So in my opinion, a leash allows her more freedom yet promotes the safety of still being in contact with mom. I think the leash is very appropriate for a young toddler aged child who is just learning about the world.

At 2/21/2006 7:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*laughs* I'm only 14 yet this is funny how ppl are acting stupid and arguing about stupid stuff!!! What are you still kids? My god!
this is just too funny! You guys set a bad example that's for sure! oh and to anonymous... I'm slightly abnormal but what I suggest is try and give your kid their full protential...I am slightly abnormal but that doesn't mean I want to be treated differently so your child might be thinking the same thing! Give your child full love, and care and if your lucky some day your child may become normal if you put him/her to full protential... I'm not trying to be mean but this is probably the best thing to do...let your child know that he or she is a little different then the rest and let him/her try their best to do normal things... they need to know this because it is about their body their thoughts they need to know whats going on! plus you've seen ppl go on in life with one leg missing... They try their best to be as normal as they can! Take my addvice...maybe you'll get some where?

At 2/23/2006 6:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a mother of a 2 year old myself, all i have to say is this: If you have the time to take your child out in public.. you have the time to hold thier hand. No one can use the "but that's so inconvenient" excuse.. its more inconvenient to have your child stolen or hurt because you couldn't control them.. chaining your child up like a family pet isn't the solution.. all it shows is that you're taking the "easy" out to teaching your child how to behave.

If you have a child that cannot respond to verbal commands and absolutely refuses to hold your hand.. they're probably still young enough to be strapped into a stroller, and if they aren't.. then watch them.. as a parent it is your duty to keep an eye on your kids... people always say "but my kid runs while im not even looking!" then gee.. maybe you should be looking. If your kid cannot be handled in public.. simply don't take them out into public until you can handle them.. there are things such as daycare and family to watch your children while you go shopping.

At 2/27/2006 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

After taking the time to read ALL the comments, I have to say SOME people don't have a clue.

Anonymous said that the child in question is Autistic, right? Does anyone who responded negatively know how to deal with an Autistic child?

Is it fair that the two "typical" children (read the comments, it's there) have to suffer because the Autistic child can't be controlled? Is it fair to treat the Autistic child like he doesn't matter or that he's an inconvenience by not letting him go in public? Each person does what they feel is right for their child- on an INDIVIDUAL basis. Anonymous ONLY mentioned wanting to leash the Autistic child- at least that's what I got from it.

Oh and to the daycare comment- MOST daycare centers will NOT take an Autistic child because of INSURANCE LIABILITY!

At 6/22/2010 4:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my child is autistic u dumbfuck and cant simply be "taught" not to run off BUT u in all of your infamous glory of knowledge i am sure knew this right? Fuck u an ur insignificant blind eyed views to how people exercise extra precaution on protecting their little ones! Autism is at its highest peak ever as is child abductions an u have the audacity to run your measly mouth against buddy bags? U r a fucking waste of time n space!


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