Tuesday, June 29, 2004

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Sleeping Virgins

So I was up late last night thinking about how badly I wanted to just fall asleep, when a random thought occurred to me. One of my ex-roommates is still a virgin and is waiting until marriage to release his seed. Not Opdyke, lord knows he's had his shmeckle in more holes than a wheel of swiss cheese. Not Katz because well....katz fucks. Nickdaddy has not had sex and by default has had very few girls over. So what happens when you're a virgin and you finally get married and you get your shit done in 3 minutes and then you want to pass out with the wifey? Youve really never slept intimately with a girl at all... you dont even know what a spoon position is.

What if your new wifey likes to wake up at 6 am to feed the dog and water her marigolds before she runs 10 miles and throws in a load of laundry? That shit would not be cool at my spot... on the weekends i usually dont wake up before my noon sportsbook.com frenzy time.

Here is a factual excerpt from (article): "One of the main effects of conflicting body clocks is loneliness-a partner waiting for the other to surface, or sitting alone into the early hours while the other half of the relationship sleeps. Up to a third of the day can be lost: The urge for love making is mistimed, there is less chance to share problems and opportunities to relax disappear."

AGAINST my better judgement, I read a 10-page article on redbook.com about the different positions of sleeping with another lady friend. (I would also like to say that I was right about these women magazines, they truly do NOT undestand men in their "what men want" articles) Here are the positions of sleep I am most fond of.

The spoon position is classic.... it allows for maximum touching while also giving time to sleep a reasonable amount of peaceful hours at night. Also, waking up in spoon position encourages morning sex.
The tangled up in you position is kinda one of those things you do after some really dank pass out sex. You clearly have to like the person, as well as their morning breath...but dont expect to sleep much using this one.
The cradle position is that cute cuddly thing where you just want to go to bed and dream happy shit. This one is recommended if you just want to have some sweet dreams. Pink sheets are not mandatory.
The Reverse Spoon. Ahhhh, my favorite position. Thats right, I am a needy little bitch who needs to be spooned and not the other way around. Hey, at least it gives the lady a feeling of empowerment right....and you know i am all for that.

Regardless of how you and your partner(s) decide to sleep, the one thing to keep in mind is to DEFINITELY sleep with as many people as possible. Its the only way you will truly find someone who meshes well with your sleeping habits. When youre sleeping well together, lines of communication will be open for many more things. Like anal. Definitely.

5 Comments:

At 6/29/2004 12:15 PM, Blogger jsk323 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6/29/2004 12:16 PM, Blogger jsk323 said...

I bet a girl bought those light blue sheets in the bottom pic...no self-respecting guy would by sheets like that. Shoobie, next time why not try shopping for linens SOBER!!!

HAHAHA

 
At 7/07/2004 9:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do guys like to be spooned? Almost every guy I have ever been with always wanted to be spooned.

 
At 6/13/2010 2:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha your explainations were super funny

 
At 11/19/2010 4:16 AM, Anonymous buy viagra online said...

Hello, I do not agree with the previous commentator - not so simple

 

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