Thursday, July 15, 2004

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10 Things Girls Shouldn't Do on Dates

1. Talk about other guys-- i dont care if its just friends or ex-boyfriends or whatever, there is one definitive truth on a date and that is not to talk about other guys while youre on the date with a guy. If it is necessary for the story, thats cool. if it is just extraneous details, no mentioning other boys.

2. Answer your cell phone-- yo, if you are on a date it is pretty rude to pick up your celly unless its for one of the following reasons. a, you pick up to say youll call back later. or b, its your (jewish) mother and you always pick up regardless of who youre with.

3. Ask the waiter too many things-- Its cute when a girl plays dumb or is really wondering what the ingredients are. But men by nature do not ask a ton of questions, so naturally we think of needless restaurant questions as an extension of our own ego and become embarassed if our date is asking an insane amount of questions. common ridiculous ones: whats better, dish a or dish b. i bet waiters loathe this question the most.... lady, how am i supposed to tell you what you want to eat more? Also, the popular: ill have the chicken sandwich, but can you put 3 tomatoes on top, slice the onions into 1 inch thick circles, and only put fresh iceburg lettuce on there, oh and can i switch out the fries for the chips and salsa appetizer?

4. Tell the guy beforehand you dont kiss on the 1st date-- if you say this, well... i guess good for you. making sure the guy isnt doing the date for one reason only. But i do have to tell you, if a girl ever said this to me i would definitely be more hard pressed to have a sweet time than if she hadnt said anything at all. it throws a guy off when you establish ground rules before a chance is even given to make an impression on you. plus, this is the 21st century, get over what your mother told you about being a lady. if you want to kiss a guy kiss him, if not dont. but dont like set limits, leave things open for you to say yes OR no.

5. Make a big deal over the guy paying-- some women will disagree (kliegmo) but i just assume that if i am taking a girl out then i am paying for it. its my treat and i wouldnt have asked you out in the first place if i didnt expect to pay. if its past date 2 and the girl wants to plan something and pay, i have no problem with that. but when it gets awkward over the paying part, guys take it as a sign that you are not interested in letting them make you happy. its like, they think you think they just want ass and that by paying they will get it. but in reality, they are just assuming the role that was passed to them by society as the ones who pay for dates...its that simple.

6. Fuck the guy-- opposite of the no kissing thing would be the fucking of the guy on the 1st date. By me saying this i endanger myself and all men who know the girls reading this, but... i dont care how well you spark or how well things click or if you just want to jump a hot guy you go out with for the 1st time. if you fuck a guy on the 1st date, he will just want to fuck instead of go out on dates, and you will have sealed the fate on anything more than being a fuckbuddy. (1st date anal is allowed)

7. Reveal too much fucked up family info-- If conversation is going really well and the guy asks about your childhood or your parents or your family situation, it would be EXTREMELY advisable to not reveal too much fucked up shit about your family on the first dates. if you have a funny little story that can relate their craziness to something relative, by all means. but a guy will freak out if he finds out your family is fucked up. deep down in the guys brain a little buzzer goes off that one day your fucked up family could be his fucked up family. you have to ease a guy into this idea.

8. Complain about things related to the date-- If a guy plans a date and really puts time and thought into it, he is not doing it for his own enjoyment, he is just trying to make the girl have a fun time so she will go out again. If a girl complains about how bad the food is, how slow the service is, how the summer is just too stifling, how the concert was bad, how the movie was boring, etc... the guy takes this as a personal mark on his ability to plan something fun. If you dont like the person, you are allowed to end it whenever during the course of the night. But if you dont like the activity, you really shouldnt complain about it until 3 minutes after he drops you off and you pick up your lar and dial all your yatchy friends to tell them about how shitty it was.

9. Ask the number question-- Yo, until sex is in the picture, it is not cool to blow up a guys spot on this issue. Just like in American Pie, most guys will lie no matter what and then they have to stick with their lie later on about the number. Also, no guy wants to hear early on what a girls number is. if its low, they assume one thing and if its high they assume another. same goes for the girl. wait until the situation is more comfortable and less prone to full out lying to ask this question.

10. Drag a guy to shit he would never normally go to-- now i know this is sometimes unavoidable, but there is a threshold of pain with guys and it can be reached very quickly with mentions of the words opera, play, broadway, susan sarandon, speaker, womens march, bon bons, ice skating, shopping spree, etc etc... you get the idea. if it is something you are passionate about then hopefully the guy will see that, but if it is just downright misery and you know the guy doesnt want to go to it, why put him through it at all? wouldnt you rather be happy with friends than miserable with a boyfriend?

Comments are more than accepted and encouraged.


At 7/15/2004 10:29 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

dude, i saw "the banger sisters" starring susan sarandon and goldie hawn on hbo-ey or something this past weekend, and susan sarandon's ass looked horrible.

that's all i got. cuz i've never really been on a serious "date," by the books and all. i'm one of those "fuck first and ruin things" girls.

At 7/15/2004 1:18 PM, Blogger megan pistachio said...

me too, never been on a real "date".

and i won't do it.

it's not the way to go with somebody you barely know. weird pressure and stuff.

better to be friends who have the hots for one another for a good while, then get drunk and make out one night, then figure the rest out from there. that's how i've always done it.

of course, i guess my dudes have not bought me much stuff either.

At 7/16/2004 9:12 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

why aren't you online?

At 7/16/2004 11:16 AM, Blogger t said...

what about face melting on the first date?

At 7/16/2004 11:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

well if i knew what face melting was....


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