Friday, July 30, 2004

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She's Not Just Someone's Little Sister Anymore

no not serena williams. not ashley judd or paris hilton. i am referring to the most ridiculous act in entertainment today. a late ticket holder on the poppy teeny hottie girl mickey mouse club train. a girl who walks with her head high and her soul sold to satan aka geffen records. a piggybacker who knew she could market herself to MTV because they actually stooped low enough to market her retarded sister too. the perfect example of why in 2014, america will look back on this day and ask ourselves: why lord. why did we listen to Ashlee Simpson.
Here in a photo shoot we see whats really going on in those big blonde heads.
A:(thinking) ugh, bitch, dont touch me
J:(thinking?) i have no idea where i am, whats going on, or who this girl is

7 Burning Questions with Ashlee Simpson
7. Let me set up this scenario. a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget, my grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger, and a duck. comment.
      Thank you so much for having me-- i cant resist a good blog. Ya, I have my new album out in stores now. i really think its gonna be totally awesome you guys. i really just wanted to do something different than everyone else. my producer was great, we totally bonded. i like, really love this album. oh and im not just jessica simpson's sister.

6. So what hurts worse, selling your soul to satan or selling your soul to mtv?
     Well, i would have to go with mtv. selling your soul to satan is pretty easy... he is always willing to take on new talent. besides, the word on the street is that once you move out to LA you have to sell your soul to someone to be anyone. mtv requires a lot more groveling, ass kissing, meetings for the sake of meetings, and they usually have explicit rights to edit, change, or (re)write your lyrics as they see fit. there's good and bad, but either way its a whole lotta bling.

5. What is the quickest way to scam tons of your fans into making your album debut at #1?
     Oh thats easy, just make a reality show. mine was about the difficulties and struggles a pop icon goes through to make an album. how you have to sing, and write lyrics, and work long hours in the studio, and make tons of cash. then you just air it right when the 13-18 age group gets home from school. was that the answer you were looking for?

um, nailed it.
4. Blonde or Brunette?
     i love my new hair color... i was sick of being looked at as a little jessica so i did something brash and rebellious on my reality show so everyone would see that i am not just someones little sister anymore. i think it really went well with the fans. theyre all i care about anyway. well that and the cash.

3. Speaking of your fans, shoobie mcvicker calls them, 'mindless peons who wouldnt know music if it slapped them upside the eardrum.' is that who you want listening to your music?
     thats the irony of this business... record companies used to toss albums like mine in the trash can when they got them in the mail. but once they lost any shred of integrity or self-respect, it was too easy to get the mindless peons to buy whatever we wanted them to. do i wish i could write better lyrics? sure. do i want older people to listen? sure. but do i care who is buying the album as long as its getting bought? not really.

2. Whats better: tuna fish or chicken of the sea?
     neither, i like red meat because im a rebel. grr.

1. 'You make me wanna la la in the kitchen on the floor/I'll be a french maid when I meet you at the door/I'm like an alley cat drink the milk up, I want more.' what in gods name does this mean?
     sounds like some teeny bopper hanson shit. who said it?
     oh. hmm. no comment.


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