Wednesday, September 07, 2005

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Weed College

guy1: What'd you do, go to weed college?
guy2: Why yes, yes as a matter of fact i did sir.... here is a brochure.

Kraplan Profile:
Location - Humboldt County, CA
Student Population - 4,200
Established - Summer 2004
School Mascot - Towlie
School Crest -

we love lions... love 'em. but we love weed even more.

Blurb about the school, the staff, and the intense learning going on here:
Our educators have been researching, cultivating, and growing marijuana for well over three generations in their families. It is with this esteemed background in all things herbal that the school was founded by the late great Jim P. Heady. Although our founding headmaster's life has expired, his dream of educating hippies in the fine art of the marijuana industry has lived on. Our students partake in one of the most fulfilling and world healing careers in the world: getting everyone really really fucked up on heady nugs. The areas of focus are so vast that we could only include a few programs here. You can major in: Dealing and Trades, Marketing, Growing, Fighting the Man, Dank Tunes, and Tye-Dying. Please browse below for a more detailed look into what goes on behind these 20-foot tall gates.

Introductory Level Courses
Smoking 101 - This is a basic course that all students are required to take their first year. Now don't complain thinking this is a waste of time... its like orientation for all new students, where you will highlight some of the programs at the college and narrow your focus on what you would like to accomplish. Also, you get to sample many of the research results during class, making it well worth the course load.
GHPS - Green Hit Preservation Society is also an intro level course, due to the fact that many tokers dont observe the laws and customs of GHP. Weed college students will learn exactly why they should not torch the entire span of greens in a bowl. instead, try to light one corner and preserve the green for the rest of your powow.
Glassware & Hardware - A favorite amongst Weedies, this course talks about all the different methods of inhaling the THC you desire. From simple glass chillums to massive metal machines built from scratch, you will learn how to make all kinds of devices for chronning out.
Edibles - This course will help you learn how to bake baked goods that will not only render the mj completely undetectable, but will get you nice and toasty during any meal of the day! if you have small children, this course will definitely help you control those wild and crazy kids by mellowing them out with plenty of edible treats.
Strainology - There are hundreds of different strains of plants out in the world; indica, sativa, tall, short, dark, light, bubble kush, white widow, way too many to name here. this course is one of the most work intensive courses, but the payoff is amazing. stun your regular friends with your knowledge of botany from around the globe. travel to amsterdam and know your way around a shop. with this class you will be able to recognize any strain or mixed strain in the world.
Weights & Conversions - O's, zip's, qp's, half-o's... what does it all mean?!? with this course, you will finally be able to figure out what all the different weights are AND you will be able to eyeball bags of weed of any strain. metric system not included.

Advanced Level Courses
- Cold Water Bubble Hash Extraction
- Light Stress Training
- Genetics, Breeding, and Pollenation
- Proper Harvesting, Trimming, and Manicuring Techniques
- Advanced Nutrient Flushing Systems
- Grow Room Design and Layout
- Pipes on the Go
- Hydroponics, Aeroponics, Deep-Water Culture
- Nutrient Film Technique
- How to Roll a Blunt, Lid, J
- The Psychology of Exhaling: Types of Cheefers
- Knife Hits and other Unconventional Wisdom
- How to Start a Jam Band

Student Quotes
"Before I came to Weed College, I just sat around my moms basement all day trying to figure out ways to make money. With my 7-year, dual degree program, Weed has allowed me to make a real sharp business model for my enterprise"
-- Hippie from Boulder, CO

"My homegrow operation was a complete dud! Thanks to the excellent staff at Weed, my weed is so sticky icky icky i have to vaccum seal it just to carry it around town with me in my cargo pants"
-- Green Thumb from Vancouver

"Once i learned how to make pipes on the go, i started my own ecommerce website selling pipes of any kind-- corn on the cob, apples, oranges, cucumbers-- any kind of quick pipe! Now my honda civic is so fucking hella tight bra!"
-- Asian Sensation, Cali

Extracurricular Clubs
- Nationally ranked Ultimate Frisbee team
- 420 Daily Club
- Glassblowing
- Waterbong Sports
- Bong Yahtzee Club
- Green Thumb Grower's Club
- Gooball Eaters Anonymous
- Hippy Dance Marathon Fundraiser
- Conpiracy Theory Creators Club

If youre not convinced that this is the best way to invest hours of your free time, then please come by the campus for a tour and a visit. You wont be able to sample any of the new strains we are researching and cultivating, but you can be damn sure youll want to come back to school here. We hope you enjoyed reading about Weed College, registration is open for the Fall semester and we look forward to seeing all you potheads there on Orientation Day!


At 9/08/2005 9:36 PM, Blogger Wintermute said...

i think i heard about this school at dragon con

At 3/09/2007 3:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 7/30/2007 1:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

how do i get into this college i never wanted until today

ps smoke sum weed

At 11/15/2007 4:05 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

This is a much better alternative to the whole "Say no to Drugs" whoohah or the Reagan Administration. At least it teaches responsible usage of cannabis, which needs to be spread!
F87k th DEA,and the Bush administration, they are all in the dark!

Knowledge is power!

At 3/31/2008 10:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

try this: - so good

At 7/31/2008 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Legalise and Utilise

At 3/31/2009 7:11 PM, Blogger George Grimes said...

Try Cannabis Career Institute. Visit Our Site

At 11/24/2009 2:58 PM, Blogger pedro velasquez said...

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At 11/26/2010 7:14 PM, Blogger karina said...

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