Thursday, January 20, 2005

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Your Guide to Being a Baller

So youre sitting on your computer, chatting online with babes all day. You used to have free reign over punan in college but those days are over, so you need to come up with some better schtick to get yours. It's hard to get back on the horse... hell we've all been there before. But maybe now you dont need to start from scratch. Maybe someone decided to take a stand and teach the world his amazing feats. It is during times like these that your personal experience alone will just not help you get girls, get a job, get anything you want in life. You need some help from an expert and you need it rapido! That is why RandomHouse has decided to publish one of the most introspective books of all time. Talent. Skillz. Money. Ho's. This book has it all and if you pick up your copy today, you can too. I am of course referring to the most popular book to hit the stands since 'Catcher In The Rear'....

This book is phenomenal. It has anime, quizzes, incredible pictures, funny jokes... the quintessential coffee table buy. Plus vonGiggler really encapsulates the life of a true baller throughout his pages. See?

"Stanton vonGiggler really encapsulates what it is really like to be a straight up balla."
--Fitty Cent

"I was lost without the wise and reputable knowledge of Mr. Giggler. My friend got me this book for my 25th birthday and I can't even tell you how I never want to go back to being a nobody ever again."
--some dude on the street

VonGiggler was born to a very wealthy chili tycoon out of cleveland, ohio. He owned all Skyline Chili's and held the secret ingredient to the midwestern delight.... chocolate. With this ingredient he spread his chili sauce all over the ohio pennsylvania indiana region. They loved it. When Mr. vonGiggler had a baby boy he knew that boy would grow up to be the biggest baller that ever lived. Here are some excerpts from the book:
"Balling comes with time...its just like any hobby, you have to get good at it. Take small steps to work up to the big ones. Here is a real easy way to quickly feel the effects of balling. Go to the bank, withdrawal a $100 bill. Go home and break out your stash of heady nugs. Break them up into little pieces and roll them up in your benjamin franklin. Then smoke it all by yourself. Only true ballers can smoke a joint with a $100 bill as a lid."
and here are five of the top ten list of straight up baller moves:

Top 5 Things on Your Checklist of Balling

5. Blast a line off a girls nipples because you can.
4. When you go to a club, the only way you roll is VIP and bottles of moet....accept nothing less.
3. Hang out with people who just want to be around you because you are filthy rich.
2. Put the flip up lamborghini doors on your Honda Civic.
1. Use your Sidekick as if youre actually talking to paris hilton or snoop on there, no one will know the difference.

These and many more ideas are all included in this book. So go out to the Borders and shoot mexican immigrants! buy your copy today!


At 12/21/2009 2:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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