Thursday, November 18, 2004

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Happy Ending

blowing up someone's blog*spot - (adv.) - The act of calling out a friend in a previously agreed upon private matter, usually through the outlet of the very public internet.

I play poker every sunday and wednesday at this sweet spot off ponce, a mile from my house. no limit texas hold em, $100-250 buy in, me and jonny are usually both vicktorious. on my way out the door last night, a buddy there told me a crazy story. in order to keep partial anonymo, we will call the russian guy sergé and the other kid bellend.

The following story is how i heard it. Sergé called up bellend one day and asked if he wanted to go out to cheshire to get a massage at the 'massage parlors' out there. these guys are making some good money on the poker game, so blowing a hundro on a massage seemed reasonable. bellend had never been and his muscles were really in need of a good 'massage'.

So they get to the place and it costs $60 to get the full massage treatment. first up, 30 minutes in the sauna. you get a towel, just relax, soak up some steam, get your shit together for the next round. after the steam room, a hot asian chick brings you into the next room: the shower room. In the shower room, the asian lady takes off your towel, gets in there with you, and scrubs your entire body down. hair, stomach, nips, balls, purple star, everything. she even uses a loofa... then she towel dries you completely. next comes the massage. apparently the good thing about the massage room is that it has black lights, so you know there isnt some nasty splooge all over the place. she works out everything. arms. body. she even tickles your balls while she is down by your legs. (bonus!) of course after the massage is over, the infamous massage parlor question comes out.


i have always wondered what the people prompt you with, and how they tell you the options. apparently at this place they ask: do you want more? the options are hand, oral, or all the way live. i dont know about the rest of you but i think the most i would do would be hand. mouth could be a burner. and the mystery of the orient is not worth the 200 bucks youd have to pay. the key to getting a handjob from the massage people is to only bring 45 bucks. when they say its 60, you just tell them its all you have. apparently Sergé does this everytime he goes, which is way more than any man should go. so my man bellend opts for the 45 dollar hand treatment and says it was definitely worth it. i would have probably blown it in the shower AND the massage table, but some men just have more resilience than others. and that my friends, is the story of the happy ending.

4 Comments:

At 11/23/2004 9:19 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

dude i know it was you.

and the "asian chick?"

ah-choo!

 
At 11/24/2004 7:13 PM, Blogger SK said...

Sorry, but as adept as I am at blowjobs, I hate giving hand jobs. I can go on for a long time with my mouth - but something about the rhythm with my hand - it cramps up in no time...

Did she say "Me love you long time?" LOL

 
At 2/10/2011 4:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

where exactly is this place?

 
At 3/25/2012 9:28 AM, Blogger gary lost said...

Jeeny will u please talk to a lost Friend please.

 

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