Friday, September 17, 2004

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Happy New Year!

Well folks, its a new year for the jews out there in the world. not like i really follow ancient scripture passages to the t, but apparently we have no idea if rosh hashana was on yesterday or today so we have 2 days of new year celebrating. i will of course be celebrating my 2nd day grinding it out in the leather chair and cube jail time for a 10:30 meeting and clocking out around 1 pm for lunch/naptime/recovery time. (ivan blasted atlanta all night last night i.e. no power)

so for my first catchup bloggy since i was going to blog on this yesterday and have a new topic today.... there is so much fucking family pressure around holidays. why is that? why do families feel the need to guilt trip the kids living away from the core of the family into coming home for all holidays. grandma, arbor day is just not a good reason to trek home 400 miles to celebrate the trees and eat dry turkey and overcooked briscuit. (goyim-- briscuit is the bombest jewish dish in the world... all jewish moms bow down to the briscuit gods and of course my mother makes the best of all moms everywhere) i was in louisville 12 days ago... why in the world would i come back twice in the same month?!?

another thing that really sucks around holiday time is when you dont have a lady friend to bring home to momma. for some of those years i did have one, and of course my family was like in love because she was A) sweet to old people and B) a jew. thats like their only qualifications. nowadays i just get fired upon with questions of atlanta, disease control, and of course when are you going to bring home a girl again. people, you put pressure on us to come home and visit and then when we get there, you ask us about the only shit we dont want to talk to you about... then you wonder why we dont come home in the first place! the nerve...

last thing-- so yesterday i went to yan katzs familys for rosh 2-pm-lunch-dinner hour. when we got there name tags were dispersed around the 2 tables.. mainly to group familiar people, but also probably to avoid that awkward situation when you pick your seat but someone else really wants that one more. so they put me and jon next to two girls named emily and naomi. they invited naomi under the guise of a friendly gesture-- she is new in town and also the youth director at the synagogue where these kids go. but in reality, the lady in charge knew she was single and jewish and that me and katz were single and jewish. so she told this girl naomi right before she arrived that her cousin jonathan and his roomie justin, who just graduated from emory would be there too... light flashes on in naomi's head... this jewish mom is trying to set me up with jewish boys! now she felt like she didnt even want to go, it would be amazingly awkward. what if the 2 jewish guys were a bunch of dorks, or worse... sleazy meatheads showing up for 'the gangbang' ala todd phillips in old school. but as soon as she told her about the emory thing...she knew exactly who i already was. luckily for naomi, shoobie knew naomi through fucking jdate. we didnt jdate, but i attempted to go smoke out her and her buddy from college when she was in town. whew, awkward situation turned into a positive one. why do jewish mothers play matchmaker though? i mean, they dont know anything personal about the backgrounds of any of the people they are setting up, they just know that they are A) nice to old people and B) jewish. there has to be a little more substance for a match to be made.... i think....

anyway, happy new year jews.


At 9/17/2004 10:12 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

yes, happy new year jews!

party like it's 1999.

At 9/17/2004 2:23 PM, Blogger megan pistachio said...

so i guess the jews are still in bc mode. How long until the real messiah comes?

sorry if that's offensive.


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