Tuesday, September 14, 2004

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Thou Shalt Not Bear False Idols

Unfortunately, I am not talking about the hot american idol chick on surreal life. she is pretty unfunny and in general pretty 'light' on good material to blog about. but of course pictures are acceptable.

Nope, I am talking about the biggest scam to grab the public eye since JFK was allegedly assassinated. The O word. not orgasm you sick fucks.... i am talking about the one and only Oprah Winfrey. God i cant stand this woman. Why did you allow her to creep out from the shadow of trashy talk shows and furthermore, why is america legitimizing her brainwashing scandals for housewives and stay at home teenage moms? So i decided that instead of just out and out bashing this festering bacterium in our pop culture, i would compare her to a strangely different breed of idolatry in the hopes that someone out there takes care of the oprah situation that is inevitably going to lead to more blue balls and stricter regulations from overbearing wifeys.

Mooby the Golden Calf


Oprah Winfrey

Born: 1989

Born: 1954 in mississippi

Created by: Nancy Goidruff, Kindergarten teacher

Spawned by: satan himself

Height: 3'6" Weight: 90 lbs.

Height: 5'2" Weight: depends on the new trendy diet that month

Lifetime achievements:

Lifetime achievements:

  • Mooby Fun-Time Hour
  • 16 records
  • 2 feature films
  • 8 prime-time specials
  • cassette library
  • biocoastal theme parks 'MoobyWorld'
  • Oprah Winfrey Show, 21 million viewers a week, 105 countries
  • Production company
  • book club
  • O, the magazine
  • the Oxygen channel



  • pair of purple pants
  • several animal friends
  • Mooby restaurants
  • 8 multi-million dollar estates
  • officially the first black woman billionare in 2003

Worst Moment:

Worst Moment:

getting wedgies from the other cows at recess

being sexually abused many times as a child

The 2nd commandment, ya know...the things that we as judeo-christians are all to follow is:
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them"

I only bow down to one other, and that be the king of all hiphop-a-liscious-bow-wow original gangsta of mack Snopp D-O-double-G... and the group that said mother fuck the po-lice. but seriously, the connection between mooby and oprah is uncanny. global market shares, a following of brainless zombies, mass media hype, money, cash, hoes. its all about the dollar dollar bills. now i'm not saying that oprah is not a humanitarian, lord knows she donates a ton of cash and has started like 6 charities in her time.... i just dont get why people watch the show like they dont know how to run their own lives or pick their own books or solve their family problems within their family instead of in front of millions of viewers. i remember when oprah was categorized with Montell, Springer, and Donahue.... trash tv. now suddenly she is like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

here we see the two idolaters walking the NY Marathon

I guess the only other thing i can say is: america, get a life. do something without dr. phil or oprah for a change. like fly a kite, go rollerblading, or do anal. thats it i'm done.


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