Monday, December 12, 2005

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The Artist Formerly Known As ShoobieDoobie

no longer am i the smiley, asian-eyed, cracky sense of humored, headified, blitzed, blazed, cocked, piney-tasting, burnout, chillaxed doobie smoker i once was. unfortunately my little green friend and i have had to part ways for an extended period of time. i could make up a story here about how i finally had a bad experience on the 'mota', but i would just be lying to you all... and everyone knows that herb's a gift thats from the earth, and whats from the earth is of ja greatest worth. unfortunately i have interviewed for a highly respectable position with a contracting company that tests its new hires and since i anticipate getting the job, i am going to have to hit up Starship and grab some Vales. i just feel that my body needs to detoxify and this is probably the #1 guaranteed scientific way to do it. according to all my friends, who are big headies.

this change has had some positives... i didnt pound cheerios, nature's finest granola bars, popcorn, and my mommas wonderbars last night for a midnight snack. (roomie) i also am thinking a little more clearly and am sharp as a tack when it comes to coding data access layers during stored procedure executions to update our sql database located on the web server with asp1.1 installed. but the truth is i have surrounded myself with friends who all herbalize and now everytime someone passes me a piece of glass i have to give them the middle finger because they cant remember that 3 seconds ago i passed for the exact same reason as this time. my halo2 gaming skills are definitely taking a dive, the noob combo is just hard for me to grasp. also, this may be karmatically related, but my entire AIM buddy list got lost sometime between saturday and sunday, rendering my nerdy 2000s means of communications useless. i cant even go see any movies in the theater because i know they wont be as entertaining as before. my ipod sounds flat. concerts are probably lame, although i havent been to one since the switchover.

another good thing is that i can still get really really fucking drunk. my bar tabs crept into the low 100s this weekend, a slight change from previous weekends where i was drinking because i had cotton mouth and not because i was thirsty mike. but you tokers know the feeling... you get real fucked up at a bar, you talk to some yatches about the after party, but then you realize that you cant be a part of that after-party, even if it is fictional, because you are stuck sipping on booze and cant top the night off with a big fat binger or two before you doze off into passedthefuckout land. then you wake up sunday with a massive headache, but you dont have tylenol in the house because vitamin M solves all problems and youre not used to using conventional medicine to solve your woes. you know you want brunch and to watch football all day but you cant work up an appetite without it and although HD looks crisper than you remember, youd rather it be semi-blurry under a hazy glazed state of mind.

ahhh... those were the old days.
speaking of the old days, whatever happened to the whole 'checking bags' concept at an airport. when was there a vast change in our society that dictated people should carry-on the enormous luggage bag instead of just checking it and bringing a book and maybe some gum through the metal detector? am i an idiot for being old school and checking whatever big bag i have with me regardless of which airline, airport, or arrival time i am scheduled to fly for? people get really bitchy when the seatbelt sign comes on and the plane doors dont open immediately, but then they take a frickin hour to get their massive bag out of the overhead compartment and through the tiny aisle that is on any plane. the old school passengers have to sit there with their ipod and headphones stowed neatly in their jacket pocket while the rest of the plane takes a ridiculous amount of time getting off before them. dont you idiots realize how much easier it would be to let the airline people take care of your shit, not to mention everyone can get off the plane and to their connecting gates faster without the mass carry-ons? especially tiny women... i mean how much time are you truly saving by bringing that hideous LV bag plus luggage onto the plane with you, just to wait for a nice enough guy to help you get it out of the bin, getting heckled by the idiots in 43A and B, etc etc. i just dont get it.


At 12/13/2005 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

can i have your stash?

At 12/13/2005 2:17 PM, Blogger Kenny said...

my favorite people are the ones who get up and start rummaging through the overhead bins before the plane has even stopped taxi-ing, and then the stewardess has to give him a verbal beat-down, which he disregards b/c he's yapping on his phone.

At 12/14/2005 10:40 AM, Blogger Wintermute said...

the airlines inevitably lose peoples' luggage. but anyway, it has gotten ridiculous to watch people with "carry on luggage" that's the size of a hockey bag trying to stuff the overhead.

i tried to bring kenny's mom on as a carry-on, but the said all bovine passengers had to ride in cargo


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