Wednesday, October 19, 2005

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The Shitey Toilet

As I have stated before, the janitors here are the coolest people to talk to. no offense to the stuffy white people, but i have to deal with you all day. when i go outside to inhale a few rounds of death, there are two scenarios. the first is that there are scientists and lab people out there, having funny discussions about anything not work related. entertaining, easy to involve yourself, but no secret humor you can laugh inside about while pondering what ridiculous shit was just said. scenario 2, i am the only white boy out there and all the janitors are taking their breaks at the same time as i am.

ok, so picture a smoking booth. now picture a quiet rasta dude from england, a black 50 year old woman with a mouth full of fucked up teeth, but it spits the most lude crude cuss words ever, and two other big black girls. i know i cannot do justice to this story without the actual conversation, but pretend its like Beauty Parlor and these women are ranting and raving.

"This mornin im goin about my bizness and this white lady come up to me and tell me theys somethin wrong with the bathroom. i go in thea and someone done stopped up this motha fucka. nasty shit erywhurr. so i go back to my closet and go on about my bizness. lady comes back to me a few minutes later and asks why i didnt clean the bathroom. bitch this aint your house, i dont clean your bathroom for you whenever you want. she tell me i need to clean it every two hours. every two hours? i aint yo maid. it aint like it is at home where you can pay someone to clean shit every two hours. i work for goodwill bitch, not you. so she tell me she gon call my supervisor. i tell her go ahead, we sposta clean dem bathrooms twice a day, not drop whatever the fuck we doin to go clean up yo shit. better get you some lysol and get down on yo hands and knees and clean that shit up. motha fucka."

you get the idea.... then, other janitor was like

"same thing happened to me. someone clogged the tolet up with all they shit and come up to me askin me to clean the bathroom. i was like uh im a janitor, i work for goodwill, you gon have to call a plumber to fix that shit. shes an asian lady too. they fucked up."

i guess maybe you had to be there, but it was the best conversation ever. three black chicks just bitching about shitty toilets. anyway the best part was this. so one of them was out of cigarettes and she was like lemme borrow a cig from someone. one lady was like naw i got one for the road. rasta dude didnt say shit, he's the quiet type.

so i pull out my pack and kinda hand her a camel light.
she looks at me and she's like is that menthol?
i say no.
she gives me that scrunched up gross face and says no thanks.

now that shit is laughable.


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