Tuesday, June 21, 2005

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My Au Pair Can Kick Your Au Pair's Ass

First off, i just want to say that my preferred method of greeting acquaintences is to give the "fist knock" whattup... it is way more sanitary than the "open hand" whattup, especially if you give it to the rasta-british-garbage guy at work.

This weekend was filled with a variety of fun and middies events. I met a cool, tan, sexy, funny, nose-studded j who smokes buds. life is on the up and up. i also went to 2 strip clubs (pony was way too packed) closing out "the oasis" off peachtree industrial and then rendezvousing with said j for some bingers. i also met up with shannon and despite the fact that her new boy is a big tool, she is awesome to booze with. i guess when she wants a jboy who is nice 100% of the time instead of 50-50, she knows where to get her cuddle on.
Which brings me to the emory party i attended on saturday night. 'emory' in that everyone there attended emory, but most of them are actually graduated. (minus my boy dwellis, lord of trichomes) this is a conversation i ACTUALLY heard.

[i start to pay attention around this part....]
boy: i was born in singapore since my dad used to do business over there. actually my au pair was in town last week and visited our family.
girl: thats awesome. i havent seen my au pair but i have very distinct memories of her growing up.
boy: indeed.
boy2: your what?
girl: his au pair, like the nanny.

boy2 had never heard of this concept, which is ridiculous. everyone watched either Mary Poppins or Bedknobs and Broomsticks growing up. i guess the stereotypical au pair is a 50-60ish british chick who is hired by a rich waspy family to watch the children while they are out making a killing in the chimney sweep industry.

nowadays however, you hear the term au pair tossed around like lil kim at a snoop dogg wrap party. parents who both have sick jobs that require hours of work until late in the evening, sometimes travelling during the week for days at a time. single mother families who cleaned out the ex-husband and can afford such luxuries while she is off sewing her wild oats. 10% of new england. all these groups require some additional child raising services.

for the families who dont want to involve a 3rd party in their child rearing, however, there are plenty of options. i remember when i was in elementary school they had this program called "latch key kids". they gave you a giant fucking sign and piece of yarn to throw your key around your neck so you wouldnt lose it. thats a good idea... tell every sicko fuck in america that youll be home alone without parents for a little while. here's a fun stat!
Seven and a half million children in the United States between ages 5 and 14 are latchkey kids, according to the National Institute on Out-of-School-Time. Research confirms that kids are less likely to get into trouble when a responsible adult is watching them. In a study published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, researchers found that eighth graders who are unsupervised more than 10 hours a week are about 10 percent more likely to try marijuana, and twice as likely to smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol, as eighth-graders who are not unsupervised during the week.

well i guess this survey doesnt lie. my sister is the latchkey statistic of the year candidate for that one. i was too concerned with nintendo and how to beat contra with at least 10 lives left.

anyway, i digress. the point is, when i was growing up in the south no one had a nanny. at least mom or dad were still making it home before dinner to be with the kids. my cousins in boston are a different story... half the kids in their nice private schools have nannies. most celebrity children have them. personally i dont ever foresee my kiddos having the nanny thing.... i am almost hoping my wife is the breadwinner so i can chill with the little fuckers and take them to teeball practice and shit.

as much fun as it would have been to sing and dance and frolick around the backyard, my little shoobies will not be singing supercalifragilisticexpialisuckmyballs.


At 6/21/2005 10:44 AM, Blogger Michael Memberg said...


At 6/21/2005 1:07 PM, Blogger jsk323 said...

So what if I didn't know what the fuck au pair meant. How about calling them nanny's like everyone else. Fuck the french!

Oh and Shannon, sorry I had to hate on your boy but he's a douche...

At 6/22/2005 12:00 PM, Blogger Michael Memberg said...

More drama than an entire season on My So-Called Life.

Anyway, I didn't mean to piss off Katz, et al.


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