Thursday, May 12, 2005

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The Hate Fuck

(god i hope my blog isnt firewalled at work for 6 weeks for writing this one)

****WARNING: Scrolling to the bottom at work MIGHT BE HAZARDOUS****

so you find yourself in a situation one day, maybe in class, or at the movies, or waiting in line to get into neighbors, whatever. and you see someone you knew from back in the day. now back in the day she was a real piece of work... fucking firecracker. bitchy. jappy as all hell. maybe you even sublet her apartment one summer, but her mom was such a cunny mom that she would call every 2 weeks to check up on the fucking pullout leather sofa. all the memories of how much you truly despise this person come swarming back to your mind.....

but wait! out of fucking nowhere you start gaining inches. might even have a half a pack of rolaids working there. you suddenly realize, 'god damn! that girl is hot and shes such a fucking bitch. and i love it.' well, son, theres only one thing left to do. oh ya whats that pops? son...you take that girl back to your place and you fuck the living shit out of her!

one of the funniest craigslist posts i have ever seen defines 'hate fucking' as:
hate fuck (n): The most racous, albeit violent, type of coitus among two individuals who are diametrically opposed in values, allowing for punching, scratching and biting reflexes, but have a base level of sexual attraction, allowing for circulation of blood to the genitals and forthcoming stimulation.

if you have ever hate fucked someone then you already know this definition. please, share stories. for the rest of you... what is your deal? youve never had a really bad breakup with an ex and then gotten round 2 in by bending her over any inanimate waist high object in your apartment? never had a nemesis that you had to work closely with and one night it spun out of control?

thats ok little guy. one day you will. and it will be fabulous.

now lets just talk about one more thing regarding hate fucking and women. women cannot hate fuck men. it doesnt really make any sense. a guy has something protruding he can pound with... a woman can basically just hop up and down real fast. a man can bend a girl over a table, chair, desk and hate fuck her. a woman cannot do the same. the only way imaginable for a girl to hate fuck a guy is in a pool, sideways, ala elizabeth berkley in showgirls. ladies, counterpoint?

in conclusion, hate fucking is something you can really only do to a nemesis type character in your life who you also have sexual tension/chemistry with. but... if i had to hate fuck some celebrities in a totally non-personal but you still act like a bitch on tv kinda way, here are a few:


she plays the perfect bitchy girl on 70s show


we all know this chick is one of most hated on any set in hollywood


everyone loves to hate on trashelle from the real world vegas.


she gets the pristine good girl hate fuck award.


and her partner in crime is definitely #1 bitchy hate fuck out right now

5 Comments:

At 5/12/2005 3:29 PM, Blogger jsk323 said...

By the way, Shoobs REALLY hates his right hand...

 
At 5/16/2005 11:18 AM, Blogger thebossman said...

Yep, hate to admit it but there are a few women at work I would absolutely love to hate-fuck.

 
At 12/30/2012 11:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously, go seek help. You're all misogynist, disgusting hateful idiots.

Please, GO DIE YOU FUCKIING ASSHOLES.

 
At 12/30/2012 11:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you mean with women not being able to hate fuck men? Just put on a strap on and hate fuck him SO HARD in every hole he got

I would love to hate fuck you and the ones who agreed with you ;)

You know, every time I walk home from school, I just imagine how nice it would be to tie up the guys I see there around me and just fuck the hell out them with my strap on. I will probably seduce them and get it done ;)

 
At 3/21/2013 3:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Women can hate fuck if the hate is mutual

 

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