Tuesday, January 11, 2005

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Movies, Byatches.

I know, i know. I didnt do any follow up with the San Fran teaser. The whole point of the trip was the san fran part and i left it hanging. Fine, you want details! Here goes: San Fran is sick. I loved the chilled out vibe compared to SoCal. NorCal. Its much Headier Up Here. That would make for a nice bumper sticker. Haight was a real fun time. People be sellin greens greens greens on the street in the mcdonalds wherever the hell you want nugs people have. We went to twin peaks, sick 360 view of san fran, bay, ocean, etc. New Years, i brought some 17 year olds up from the lobby who didnt even know what champagne was or that the g was silent. idiots. one jewish but i knew that from the start. Fireworks, bottles and bottles, twists and twists. 4:00-4:00 carnage. 12:01 leave room and minors for a taste of Ruby Skye. 50 bucks a pop, drinks not on the house, but who cared i was a dancing machine. PhillyV gets lost for 4 hours, kisses fat asian goodnight, shoobie more concerned with 3am egg and cheese sandwich with hash browns than any puntang. Next day go to mecca of all gamers EA campus in Redwood City. Lobby has Madden 2005 video arcade game. Leave for red eye, SFO to ATL.

....and we now return you to Bravo's very own Inside the Actor's Studio.

Meet the Fockers- Havent seen it yet. Why can i review it? Because i already know whats in this one... DeNiro probably adds little to nothing to the storyline or humor. Ben Stiller is funny as usual, but the jokes are the same. Barbara Streisand probably makes the movie with her nervous jewish mother jokes. The wife should have been re-cast as a hotter focker, but whose counting. I am waiting to netflix this one, despite it being #1 in the box office. I feel like nothing can top the first one and this was the most anticipated hit(but read: bomb) of the season. Thats mainly due to schwag other cinematic releases.

The Aviator- Liked it enough because of the Scorsese involvement. In general, OCD freaks me out. Anyone i know who is super paranoid like that is not really someone i chill with. But great story, definitely kept me interested the entire three hours, great cinematography, and of course probably deserves to be #1 right now not that stiller piece of shit i just wrote about.

Lemony Snickets Series of Unfortunate Events- god why did i spend money on this one? and why did i do it in LA where a movie costs 12 for the matinee. fucking kids movie. and not even a good one. jim carrey, you blow. you are another worthless candian to add to the stack. Little 8 year olds are going to revisit this movie later in life and wonder why in gods name did they think it was good. no plot twists. no surprises. no unfortunate events. unfortunately for me i spent cash on the tickets.

Ocean's 12- I have no idea why this got rave reviews either. This was definitely netflixable. Fucking Julia Roberts pregnancy scene was absolutely astoundingly dumb and made me want my money back. Lame robbery plot. Matt Damon, still so hot. thats about it. 2 1/2 stars.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou- didnt have to spend money on this. didnt like it initially, but i assume that once i rent it i will renig on those comments and proclaim it a success. i was the same way with The Royal Tenenbaums...slow to warm. i think i saw this flick the first time when it was called Lost In Translation.

Finding Neverland- story about the author of Peter Pan. Jonny Depp was good. The costar was hot and good. The little british kids were good. This was a good movie, flew under the radar.... but its still just a peter pan tale. Cried at the end. Youll see. Youre heartless if you dont. But netflixable for sure.
Movies out on DVDank.

Garden State- Hands down one of the best movies i have seen in a long time. Natalie Portman is such a stunna. Zack Braff from Scrubs is phenom. Just check this one out. And burn a copy for yourself.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy- This was pretty funny. i mean not like hilarious, but.... wait, will ferrell pretty much is always funny. i cant wait to watch again. and again. stoners love to do that with brainless flicks like this. everyone i know saw this but in case you havent, its worth it.

Troy- god i wish i could have a brad pitt orlando bloom shoobie sandwich. i love the sweaty bathing scenes after a good naughty fight. good flick. worth it if you have either HD, surround sound, or both.

Hero- maybe its just me, but i do not enjoy japanese fighting flicks with subtitles. i mean, i know that any critic of any movie should be able to hold their attention during one of these, but i just throw in the towel on ninja movies. i officially do not enjoy them anymore. there, i said it. i can have an opinion in the matter too quintin! its not just you you you, fucking critic.

Shaun of the Dead- if you havent seen this movie just go right now to blockbuster and rent it. hilarious and scary at the same time? plus british accents! and after youre done renting this, rent 'The Office' the british series. i hate monty python but i loved this flick. and the office. (laced with thick accent) myyyyyy myyyy myyyy, their humor is soooo drryyyyyyy.

King Arthur- Not even worth the effort. bad characters. bad storyline. mids effects. just bad. and i really wanted it to be badass.

Napoleon Dynamite- go get someone to spank you if you have not seen this movie. hi-larry-ous. HILARIOUS! this is officially the best high school movie ever made. thats right, even better than dazed and confused. i could watch napoleon dynamite 100x more than i already have watched dazed. please just go buy a copy. dont rent, buy.


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