Thursday, December 02, 2004

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Racism at the Poker Table

Hello 9-5ers, welcome to another exciting story about poker. (kleigmo, feel free to skip this blog, as i know you and the other ladies hate poker talk) As you all well know, my hobbies revolve around tivo, xbox, nfl, ncaa, and of course the cadillac of poker: no-limit texas hold 'em. some pros won't even touch the game... but others, like doyle brunson, say its the only pure game left. at this particular game i play in there are a plethora of different races, religions, females (just one really, and she's already dinkled a kid so she's toast), and the age range is 18-50.

Yesterday one of the dealers, my main man victor voronov the russian love machine, told me he was writing his thesis about racism at the poker table-- how it doesnt exist. players of a no-limit ring game are driven by cash. how much is on the table, how much is in their stack, how much is in the pot, and how much would it take to drive the 2 schmucks down at the other end out of it. i would argue however that there is a bit of racism at every poker table.

Russians - these kids are always trying to make as much scrilla as possible by hustling, working, doing whatever it takes. the more the better, because that gives them the freedom to fuck multiple women seedily whilst visiting massage parlors. they are tight agressive and definitely a force to watch out for at my game. except for chud, he strictly plays the percentages.

Jews - lots of jews playing poker at my spot. might be my relative distance to emory. the jewish kids are the smartest kids at the table, and they have the stacks to back up their game. jewish russians are also a trendy combo that the normal kentucky jews have to watch out for.

Romanians - the romanian dudes are all married, living in suburbia and driving in to bust the younger kids at the table. one of the dudes has a cell phone camera stocked with 50 pictures of all these other romanian girls' fachinas. the weird thing about the romanians is that they have a fuckton of money, keep their wives satisfied in the shopping habits, and get to cheat on them virtually risk free, since every romanian guy keeps the other ones' secrets. very loose agressive, great for when you have the nuts.

Black people - there is a small percentage of black people who have showed up to play. i havent ever met too many great black poker players... maybe they just would rather play domino. phil ivey is clearly a different kind of black person, he is sick and scary. but only one dude comes around to play now, and he is easy to put on a hand.

WASPs - the rest of the people, the majority in most cases, is clearly a dying breed at this particular poker game. i would say the minorities hold a majority over the white people in the room, which always makes for interesting banter when the russians are speaking sputnik and white bread just wants to play some fucking cards. clearly i cant make any generalizations about white people, but you see the minority take them down all the time.

Asians - uggggh, i saved asians for last. i think any asian who steps foot into my game is not intimidating. they are clowns in atlanta, driving rice rockets just like in high school. but when i go anywhere else, i am immediately scared of ANY asian at the table. Asian women are like my nemesis. they always want to bust me. and they usually do. i dont know what it is about asians, i guess its the fact that the game is all numbers/math/percentages and they are pretty damn good at that stuff. but when i go to biloxi and that little old lady with the derby hat raises me 8 on top of my re-raise, i already know she has QQ and i am dead in the water.

One good thing about poker is that it is a worldwide phenom right now. EVERYONE is talking about texas hold em. i went home to louisville and played a .20c game and walked out with $15. my friends at home SUCK at cards. lots of people suck at cards. and that is why my dream is to move to vegas and show the tourists just how badly they suck at poker. thank you, that is all.... except for this sicky hand.
Last night, i bought in for $100, lost it, then bought in for another $100. i was up almost to even, when i dropped back down to $90. i was feeling like now or never was the move. its 1 am, i am tired and need to make a big bank or lose and peace out.

i am in the small blind. the bets go around the room and everyone is limping in for $2. there are probably 7 people in there so when it gets around to me, i raise to $12. the big blind to my left (my only friend besides katz in this game of money hungry sharks) calls. there are probably 4 people in the pot now. so the pot is: $54. flop comes and ALL of us get a big piece of it. i bet $10. wasp calls. philly calls. victor the russian goes all in for $86. i have to call. mart calls. philly folds. so now its just the three of us. pot size $318. check out the hand below to see what people were calling on. when the 1st spade came i was relieved. but if the board paired i was fucked. running spades made it like a little cherry on top. so i went from $90 to about $340 in one hand. you love it chiu, you love it.


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