L.A. Story

So we catch the 4:20 plane from ATL to LAX. We arrive around 6 to go check out a nice blue chevy impala full size and make our way to beverly hills for the night. me and a.wild katz are headed to our first 'baller' function, one of the most star studded parties i will ever be a part of. so i better tell the background so you actually believe me. our buddy scott went to emory and now works for miramax and specifically todd phillips (production company). his roommates are matt shire (talia shire's son) and paulo who was home in canada for the holidays. talia was throwing a christmas/birthday party for another son and we were invited to go. So we roll up to the hills in a fucking taxi cab. past the bel air country club on the right, we hop out 100 feet short of the house. the line of cars is: porsche, porsche, benz, beemer, benz, bentley. it was a fucking baller party yall. and of course my slow, passive agressive southern ass was feeling mad out of place. but, the party must go on.

we get inside the crib and it is jacked up with fancy shit. 2 open bars, full catering, and a bunch of hollywoods rolling around inside. on tap was a huge bottle of bombay and of course some coppola estate family wine. here is who was at the party (in order of A-list status):


Kirsten Dunst -- looked hot. verrrry skinny in real life. but definitely still a stunner.


Mary Kate Olsen -- looked emaciated. high ass cheekbones. wish i had a true story to tell, but i was a nobody at this party :)


Jason Schwartzman -- weird dude, acted exactly the same in real life as in i heart huckabees. hot girlfriend.


Gina Gershon -- such a hot little ambiguously gay actress. she was by far the hottest woman at the party.


Simon Helberg -- now i know you have no clue who this kid is, but think Old School Pledge.... the one who probably isnt gonna get in.
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As much as i wanted these 5 to be blowing lines off each others nipples, it pretty much was a tame christmas family party that we had the pleasure of being invited to. LA is fucking crazy. Everyone is either:
A) a writer
B) a producer
C) a musician
D) an actor/actress
E) wanting to be one of the above with no shot in hell

Also, the worst part about hollywood is that you have to act like you arent in the presence of some great celeb or else you look like an 'out of towner' and a 'tourist' and famous actors hate that shit at social functions. but i couldnt help it.... i was star struck. why should i have to act all nonchalant when kirsten dunst is like 2 feet away from me and she looks fucking ridiculous? anyway, the party was great and we even got a joint at the end of the night for being on such good behavior. More cali stories and pictures and (hopefully) streaming video to come.....