Teenage Wasteland

Hey fuckers, welcome back to monday at the cube. So this weekend was all in all a 7.5/10. i mean i was wrecked for a substantial part of it and i always have a good time on hallows eve. no dinker, but whats new in this place.

I have some ruminations and yes i realize i stole that name but what ever, its the internet and i cant think of a cleverer name.

- Is it bad when the black security guard with 4 teeth is calling me a 'playa' everytime i see him around here? I mean, most of the other guys kinda laugh at him not with him, if you know what im saying. I feel like less of a playa than ever before thanks to this clown.

- What is the black tar like substance that ends up on your shoes and pantcuffs after a long night of partying or clubbing? Why doesnt it come out in the laundry? And furthermore, does anyone have any fucking method of getting it off my favorite neon pink shorts!? (oh youll see.... just wait)

- Can we please end the concept of fashionably late? It would be easier on everyone if you showed up exactly on time to a party. That way you could do two laps, have two drinks, smoke 2 cigs, and make the call for whether the crowd is lame or good enough to stick around and enjoy.

- Why doesnt everyone in the world use cruise control on the highway? If everyone maintained their exact desired speed then i wouldnt have to weave and bob through 8 lanes of dodgy atl traffic to get to my destination.
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Fathers Be Good to Your Daughters

Now I know some people choose to hate on John Mayer. I choose to listen to him because he lays down some fat tracks and his beats are good and his shit makes sense and girls who could be 17 when they look 25 show up at his concerts. so chiu hates this newest radio song referenced above but i think johnny makes a pretty good point in life.

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

OK lets do a little drill. Girls you can play along too. How many psycho girls do you know? Now, push down a finger on your count for every girl who is psycho who also had a shitty father figure. If you pushed down no fingers, then youve proven my point exactly! chiu, it is a good song because its true... fathers should be good to their daughters, otherwise they turn into psycho girls that cannot be dated except for shitty guys who will grow up to be shitty fathers to their shitty daughters. make sense? i thought so...

My pops was a pretty cool dad. My sister is like different from the 'norm' of society but she is certainly the opposite of a psycho girl. i guess most of the people i interact with in general are not psycho but you know that there are some fucked up dads out there with some fucked up daughters. like oprah. or halle berry. or jim carrey's kid in liar liar. you get my point.
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(WARNING: If you scroll below this next paragraph, you might be facing a giant cock scrunched up into some 2 sizes too small pink workout shorts)

Last thing about halloween for a whole year. So we had 1 group of trick or treaters last night. one. what in the fuck is going on in the world? i hate that kids parents arent letting them go trick or treating from burnouts like me who will just be on sugar rush for the next 14 days. is it because of the whole threat level thing? like somehow if your kids go out trick or treating they might be involved in a serious terrorist attack in your remote neighborhood in the middle of nowhere. uggghh see this is the shit i am pissy about. how can you call yourself a good dad if you dont let your kids go trick or treating? its fucking weak dudes and my kids will be doing whatever fun shit they want to do. i mean, you only live once and im pretty sure the candy isnt gonna jump up and getcha!
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and now.... Don King and Richard Simmons!!!!! (w/guests generic costume, han sucko, the lion, borat, a dirty tampon, kevin federline, and a dirty dirty whore--hi homer!)