Thursday, November 04, 2004

Bookmark this Blog!

Home Schooled

So i'm not gonna do.... what you all think i'm gonna do.... which is just TOTALLY BLOG SOMETHING CHEESY. but, this lame internet forwarding story is pretty funny. what i want to know is... who the fuck is screening these blind dates for the show?! i mean, yes there are cameras- but this guy could have slammed the door and thrown a big ol' horsecock in her before she knew what hit her.

Have you ever befriended a person in your neighborhood, at your job, sitting in the next stool at the bar, who was home schooled? perhaps they began by telling you their name and, why they collect little bugs and pin them to the wall, or maybe they told you of stories past where they frolicked in their playpen until they were 16, when little timmy discovered skinemax late night. or how they own 13 cats because they are their only friends. This is my perception of home schooled kids. I have never ever ever met a home schooled person. I guess it has to do with my generally extroverted nature...ya know, the desire to interact with people, not imaginary friends. or maybe because pretty much fucking everyone goes to an actual school.

Why do home schooled kids get this great reputation that their parents teaching them is better than a teacher teaching them? why would a parent ever willfully force social awkwardness upon a child? what is the point of going to class if you can't also goof off with friends?
to find out the answers to these ridiculous rhetorical questions, we turn to AOL Time Warner.

(i am only stealing the quotes from this article that fit MY side of things)

"Half a dozen families told Time that the only aspect of school their kids say they miss is riding the bus."

"If you spend time with home schoolers, you get a sense that some of them have missed out on whole swaths of childhood; the admirable efforts by their parents to ensure their education and safety sometimes seem to have gone too far."

"I don't date, and that's something I attribute to home schooling," he[sic big loser] says.

Crazy article

And now for a brief look inside the life of someone who was a public school student, decided to try out home schooling, and tragically relapsed due to being a fatass.

Kyle: Boy, that kid's having a hard time adjusting to public school.
Stan: Yeah. I wonder how Cartman is doing with his home-schooling.
[The Cartman house, afternoon. Cartman is in bed with a bag of chips.]
Cartman: [sighing drowsily] Eeehhh.
Announcer: Welcome to Huntin' and Killin' with Jimbo and Ned.
Cartman: Eehh, shut up. [stretches] Ooohhh, yeasss.
Liane: [opens the door] Hon, are you ready for some math problems?
Cartman: Eh, not right this second, mother. Put them there by the door.
Liane: Oh, all right. [sets them on the nightstand]
Cartman: Mooom?
Liane: Yes?
Cartman: Could you turn up the heat juuuuust a little?
Liane: Sure, hon. [turns it up and walks out]
Cartman: Egghhh. Dude, home-schooling rules. [turns to his right side] Yeeehhhhhhss! [goes to sleep.]

or this:
Liane: [opens the door] Eric, I got you a new history textbook. Why don't you come downstairs.
Cartman: Wwaargh. Not right now, Mom. [sighs]
Liane: Eric, please. We have to do some studying today.
Cartman: I am studying, Mom. I'm learning with the Fonics Monkey. [she looks over and sees the Fonics Monkey tossing a box of Snacky S'mores around.
Stan: Hey, fatass, how's home-schooling going?
Cartman: [sleepily] Oh, it's soooo sweeeet, you guys.
Stan: Well, get your ass out of bed! We have to go deal with that home-school kid!
Cartman: Huh, I can't. I'm too tired. Maybe tomorrow.
Stan: But the big dance is tomorrow and all the guys are gonna duct-tape him to a flagpole.
Cartman: [sleepily] That sounds cool. Maybe I'll go to that.

OK, i admit. i had to rely on cartman for half my content to todays blog. but it is true. find me a normal home schooled kid and i will find you an emory girl who doesnt go over her anytime minutes. until then, screw you guys... i'm going to home school!

If you don't know how to home school your kids, just pick up one of these fine Phonics Monkeys in stores now!


Post a Comment

<< Home