Friday, November 05, 2004

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Guess the Impostor

Well its november 5, 2004. do any louisvillians remember what they were doing 11 years ago today? ill give you a feeler... seelbach hotel, movie theme, teel, black, silver, absolutely no alcohol, tons of middle school drama, and oh ya... i became a man.
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Next jewish item.... www.jdate.com yes i unfortunately scan through there like its my job looking for just one cool girl who mentions pot or drinking or concerts or something other than generic jdate ad. unfortunately everyone on there is like looking for a sugardaddy or a cookie cutter jewish boy to bring home to momma.

one thing i have noticed is that there are a ton of south african chicks on there from atl. i dont know where these people hang out on the weekends (probably OTP) but they are hands down the hottest ratio of people on the site. also they all smoke buds, which at the present time is more than acceptable :)

***WARNING: I am about to be a shallow but truthful person***
the worst part about jdate is that no one ever ever looks like their picture. here is the jdate equation for truly calculating body types, pretty factor, and ultimately whether its worth the gas money to even meet them.
- If their hobbies include working out/aerobics or physical activity: very active, you can be pretty sure they look like their picture. this is also usually true if they list their weight in the 90-120 range.
- If they do not list their weight, or list their body type as: voluptuous, proportional, average, or medium, it takes slightly more investigating. assume that any picture is their BEST SHOT of their recent lives.
- If there is only a headshot and no body shot, and they list themselves in one of the categories above, dont even expect to meet the same person that is in the picture....it aint happenin.
- If in their 'who would be my match' section they say i'm not gonna lie, looks are important... then they better look exactly like their picture. (and usually do)
- Any girl on there with no picture is not worth the gas money no matter what.

here is the funniest fluke jdate story i have ever read: link

and finally, the last item on our agenda. impostors. there are a ton of jdate impostors out there. now i dont mean they lie about their picture, or what they are into, or fail to mention that they are in therapy for 8 years strong.... what i am referring to is shiksas trying to nail down a jewish guy. this by far is the craziest thing i have ever heard. it can only stem from one of two things. A) they have been around jewish guys their whole lives so it seems natural to go on jdate. or B) their racist ass redneck grandma told them one time that the jews are holding all the keys and their bank accounts are generally more pursueable than any other guy's. i guess i am torn on this issue because on the one hand, what the fuck are they doing on a jewish site? but on the other, they do have blonde hair and nice bodies and are clearly trying to get an in with the jboys... i shouldnt be forced to turn down new talent because they arent jewish, right?

the last part of todays friday blog is a nice little quiz you can all play along with. I have taken 6 candidates from ATL jdate and am asking you, the blogreaders, to guess which ones are impostors (could be more than one-- submit guesses to comments, winner gets a stiff one). if these people ever see this, just ask me to take them down.

WELCOME TO GUESS THE JEWISH IMPOSTOR(S)!!
A.


B.


C.


D.


E.


F.


Answers will be revealed on Monday.

1 Comments:

At 11/07/2004 11:45 PM, Blogger megan pistachio said...

dude, i don't know, but that first "girl"-humanoid being is really creepy.

 

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