Wanker

wank -(v). To masturbate. Also phrased as wank off. (n). 1. An act of masturbation. 2. Rubbish, useless, nonsense. e.g."I wish I hadn't brought that new CD, it's wank!" (exclam). Exclamation of annoyance or expressing disbelief.

wanker -(n). 1. A masturbator. 2. A contemptible person. 3. An idiot, an incompetent person.

wankered - (adj). Very intoxicated

So last night I was playing cards at Famous Sports Palace(!). which is not a palace as i have said many a time before. in fact it is a dark dingy smoke filled sports sub-par-pub where $3 jack and cokes roll all wednesday night long. there are always crazy people who show up for tournaments. youve got your standard trekkie dork, can probably hold his own in the cash game but for all intents and purposes he aint getting on ESPN anytime soon. youve got your ladies, dressing in semi-tight outfits because they know how guys think and they are masters of the 'throwing you off your guard' technique. and then there are the unique ones... the dude with the vick jersey is always in it. the curly headed kid (me) who just takes people down outta nowhere. the dude whose name is gamble. the dude whose name is tree and he has a tattoo to prove it. youve got your australian gouy....heeey thea, yoove goht moy ayces again haventcha. and then youve got the 23 year old guy who just quit his job and is bored off his ass so he decides to consume the $3 jack and cokes from 3-7 to 'pregame' before the freeroll. and his name is country mike.

so country mike is houuunded on booze. like, absolute carnage. and he somehow wins at his first table and comes to sit at my table with the people described above. he is calling everyone clowns. in a slurred jumble of speech, here is his typical betting strategy. BERADE EVERYONE AT THE TABLE (mike matasau style).

"you bet 2,000 fuck you! clown imma call, no im not im gonna fold. what about you ya asshole, whater you gunna do. dont be awkward, dont be awkward....are you with any of these gentlemen here? whadda ya say whadda ya say. tisha! one more jack and coke. im all in fuck you clowns if you want to call me. bitch dont be awkward, just call me. fucking australian, nice accent bro why dont you shut the fuck up or call. come on mate, call my ass. dont be a pussy."

eventually country mike loses his stacks after about 3 more jack and cokes. he gets up and stumbles off into the abyss that is drunk driving. when he leaves the australian guy leans over and he goes.

sohrry if that gouy is yohr mate, but hes a bloody wanker man.