Monday, August 09, 2004

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How to Operate a Jukebox

I dont know how it is in most bars throughout the country. Some places play their own shit and thats cool, they have to impress the customers with the dank tunes. But a lot of the bars i attend tie their main music line to a jukebox. and in most of the jukeboxes, the tune selection is wider than the grand canyon or katzs mother. here is the problem with the democratic system's influence on the jukebox: each paying customer feels that if they throw in their dollar or five dollars or whatever the case may be, they are entitled to choose whichever song(s) they want. this is simply not the case.

Before i get into that (do the waynes world time warp thing).... we're back at college frat nights with a lot of beer and testosterone-- not a huge party, just people over.

a: Hey man, lets kick those guys asses--in beer pong. we can smoke em in this next one.
b: true. hey gimme one of those menthols nugga
(its a white wedding day.... plays in the background)
a: oh man, fucking juice put this song on again... go hit the button.
b: tru
(b goes to hit the button on the back of the jukebox and magically billy idol stops)
party: blahblahblah no hitting the button! that was billy idol.
b: sorry dude, billy idol sucks, get over it.

OK, now flashback to normalville. the problem with the jukeboxes in a bar today is that there is no fucking button on the back. only in personal ones. now some of you might say whatever, the patron can play what they want... they paid for it. but i propose we rise up and say fuck that. fuck that shit. having a button on the jukebox is like allowing the other patrons a veto for their musical wants and needs. last night we were out at moes and hoes getting wings before entourage/ali g. some yatch goes to the jukebox and drops in 5 bucks for 10 songs. they were pure misery. i wanted the button like i wanted alotta fajina. and that leads me to....

The Top 10 Most "Deserving of the Button" Jukebox Picks
10. Meatloaf - I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)
9. Air Supply - All Out of Love
8. The Eagles - Take It to the Limit
7. Prince - Seven
6. REO Speedwagon - Cant Fight This Feeling
5. Rod Stewart - Have I Told You Lately
4. ABBA - Dancing Queen
3. Peter Gabriel - Big Time
2. Bruce Springsteen - Glory Days
1. Rush - Tom Sawyer god damn i hate rush so very very much

So if you're at a bar and you see one of these neat swedish jukeboxes, dont hesitate to drop in some scrilla and pick some good tunes. But just keep in mind, jukeboxes are not anonymous... people notice who is putting in what songs. if you load a crappy song in there, you should be ready to get a beating. for the sake of everyone at the bar, just stick with the classics: skynyrd, ac/dc, hendrix genre. and the next time youre at a bar and a crappy tune comes on, check the back to see if there is a button. trust me, its time to bring this concept to middle america.

As always, comments are expected since i know people get heated on this topic.... did i miss any in the list?


At 8/09/2004 10:45 AM, Blogger jsk323 said...

I'm just gonna throw this out there, but how about no more pop culture preaching from the guy who spent half his weekend watching "My So Called Life" on DVD. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not...

At 8/09/2004 10:49 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

mscl is not bad katz. why you always hatin' on the shoobster? is it the unrequited love thing?

shoob--you left off anything and everything skynyrd. i don't necessarily hate them, but they're so overplayed i think someone ought to delete them from the system. delete. the system.

At 8/09/2004 10:58 AM, Blogger jsk323 said...

Never said that it was necessarily a bad show, just isn't one that dudes are supposed to watch, let alone get on DVD...

Why am I always hatin'? Try living with the guy...just kidding, nothin but love. Not unrequited love...hetero love.

I'm very confused by the Skynyrd comment. I would argue that a juke box is not legally a juke box if it doesn't have at least one Skynyrd album in it. But that's just me...

At 8/09/2004 11:17 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

dude, seriously. how many times do i have to sit through "freebird" or "ooooh that smell?" aren't you just plain tired of it yet? like i said, i don't hate the music. it's pretty good. but i think the world would be a much more diverse and interesting place if everyone just forgot those guys ever existed. they're responsible for kid rock, right? point #2.

At 8/09/2004 2:44 PM, Blogger megan pistachio said...

skynyrd = good times.

gimme 3 steps, dude. seriously.


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