Thursday, July 29, 2004

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Kentuckyism #1

Kirsten Dunst is single again. mmm, hear my plea. piiiilllooow tooop. piiilllooow top.
Funny name, funny story, funny coincidence.
Things are spicing up in Vicklanta.
Something to give you a pick-me-up in life 
Yan Katz, you get a point for calling that i would have to do this. According to my roomie, there are enough random weird and strange things that go on in kentucky that would necessitate a series of kentucky confessions. with that in mind

Kentuckyism #1
Every single spanish teacher in kentucky is completely and undeniably insane beyond repair. It sucks for the people reading who truly have not experienced the foreign language program in kentucky schools, but i assure you... i will describe it in full detail for the imagination.

Ms. Randolph
  Ms. randolph was fucking crazy. i mean, she had no fucking clue what kinda shit was going down in her middle school classroom. she is about 5'6, haitian, speaks french and spanish, and is definitely on some serious prozac. she was so nice and if she had taught any other subject, im sure we would have been sweethearts... but she taught spanish, and when you teach spanish you get fucked with. i remember a few things, memory is fading but... we used to fucking grab a whole box of chalk from her desk and just gun full pieces at each other from across the room. like when we would take a quiz you would just hear it whiz by you and shatter into tiny pieces against the wall. we convinced her all the time to just let us watch a movie. then we would sit in the back and play spades. Ms. randolph eats cheeseburgers too(inside joke). one time chiu and i had to do a presentation on items in the bedroom. since the only way i learned in school was to cheat off chiu, an oral presentation was going to be a bit difficult. instead of flunking us chiu convinced her to let us go outside in the halls to learn the necessary vocab. of course instead of staying on task we rolled down to Mr. Schmidts for some soda and a little goof off time.  anyhoo, michelle stories are more than welcome in the comments section. ella es muy loco.

Mrs. Taylor
  Mrs. Taylor was a nice christian lady who was actually fully american and enjoyed la vida that espanol teaching provided. She was the sponsor of the Spanish Club at du pont manuel, which in the public school system means no overtime and lots of sopapilla parties. her daughter, bethany taylor, was considered one of the hottest girls running from 1st thru 12th grade. I mean is that possible, to be hot at the age of 8 and 18? 8 year olds dude. anyway, she was about 5'1 and looked like a pear with mr. potato head eyes. big fucking eyes. uhh, im shuddering right now. they still haunt me late at night. mrs. taylor hated me and most of my friends because she knew we were fucking good at spanish, she knew we put forth effort in almost every other subject, and yet for some reason the unwritten rules of the spanish class called for chaos, irrational spanish translating, and lots and lots of cheating and naps. fucking bitch. is manda copsey gonna have to choke a bitch? next

Mrs. Wold
 Like Mrs. Taylor, Mrs. Wold was a very conservative christian lady with an extremely blonde and very tight like a tiger daughter stephanie. god damn, stephanie wold. mmm. she is the spitting image of a girls gone wild girl. i could never date her because her name is my sisters name (no, that is not kentucky confession #2.) but you see where im going here. The mother fucking hated us for hitting on her daughter. we all knew she was claimed, but who gives a shit. you get to the daughter you get to the mom. and what a fucking mom she was. mrs. wold was a fucking cunt of a teacher. i can honestly say that mrs. wold probably had the worst professional career of her life when we stepped into her classroom. she was the kinda lady who hated that corporal punishment was banned....but youd never know. instead she just stood there like a fucking bitch with her arms crossed speaking spanish to us like we fucking knew what she was saying. i dont think i could bring myself to hate fuck her, she's that bad. but her ridiculous pouty bitch attitude couldnt hold a candle to the truest and most fucked up spanish teacher of all time:

Roy Crady 
  Mr. Crady, a legend in his own mind, a man who many men and women fear. let me give you a little background on this shady fuck. he's about 5'8, buzzcut, army moustache, wears sunglasses in class. other job is to work at a halfway house. a halfway house is a place where criminals who are released from jail but are still on probation stay to be monitored. so by day, he teaches 16 year old kids. by night, he barrades and harasses ex cons. wow, good hire move. crady used to have these 5 or 6 assistants in every class. it was like the smartest kids and they usually had to do 1/3 of the workload as the rest of the class. the best part though was he would pull sporadic quizzes and if an assistant missed too many he fired them and picked a new one. i think i got it about half the way through the year and god damn i loved every minute of it. we even got to go out on the 4th floor roof and play sometimes. the best teaching tool in the whole world was of course the latin american hit Destinos. After a drunk survey at a bar, and calculating odds and accuracy, i would say that 19 out of 20 people who took spanish in high school had to watch Destinos at some point. rosaaaario, rosaaario. raquel juga futbol con paco y emilia. despite his crazy vietnam hooker stories and his wrong emphASIS on the wrong syLABble while telling long drawn out tales of bailando con mujeres espanolas, he taught me more spanish than anyone else had accomplished.

Spanish teachers in kentucky are all nuts. its a fact. find me a normal foreign language teacher in kentucky and ill find you a jewish girl who doesnt like louis vuitton.


At 7/29/2004 10:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

great breakdown, never thought about how warped our foreign language training was...did you and copsey have senor abraham at wilder too?

besides getting erasers thrown at me, the other michelle randolph memory i have is manda's buster hyman's fruits and meats that stayed up in the hall for a solid three months...

dtaylor - scary as advertised.

wold - my beloved quick recall coach. could definitely see steph wold on girls gone wild.

crady - i actually saw destinos on regular tv a few years ago and freaked out. raquel rodriguez, hot as ever. i think crady's poetry folder assignment was the most work i did in high school outside of neurath's euro ap class.


At 7/29/2004 11:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 8/03/2004 8:20 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

oh man, where to begin?

miss randolph

yes, buster hymen was the be-all, end-all funny. but there was soooo much more. like when we decided to take all of her posters of kevin johnson down and hide them in the closets, along with her big mexican flags and sombreros, so that at the end of the year, her room was this empty shell with stuffed closets. she really loved that kevin johnson poster. what else? oh, like how we convinced her that "parker" was pronounced "pecker," and she may even still believe it to this day. or "pero no hay gatos en america y los calles queso son," or us saying "we wanna watch hooters!" and her saying "no no, not hooters, HOOSIERS," and us saying "no, HOOTERS!" or the coordinated falling out of the chair at a predetermined time, or the passing of elaborately created notes, intended specifically to be snatched and maybe even read aloud ("mighty mouse went poopy!") or when she was trying to reprimand me in the hall and i snuck back in the classroom and locked her out there and then stood in the window, pointing and laughing hysterically and also being really worried that i was about to be in deep shit. man, SOOOOO much shit.

i never had ms. taylor, but was buddies with bethany back in elementary school. she was uppity and stuffy. but sweet, very sweet. i do remember busting into ms. taylor's class one day and stealing some delicious day of the dead bread and mexican wedding cookies while she was in the bathroom. they were good.

crady was my favorite. he'd take us to the echo chamber to sing top 40 mexican radio ballads, like "solo para ti" and "un ano mas." he conducted our "choir" with such conviction! john swa1n used to just stand there and bellow at the top of his lungs like a wounded sasquatch, and crady fucking LOVED it. he'd encourage us all to pipe up and belt it out like john. we had a party one time and everyone brought treats. brent smith spilled a 2-liter onto a desk and crady started flipping out yelling "get wet for sticky! wet for sticky! aaarrgh sticky!" and then there was the "...well, if i had to decide right now, i could say that ms. eckerle and ms. c0psey are definitely the most developed students in the class." or how he would tape over the "questionable" moments in movies with baseball footage. he loved his baseball. and his armpits? woooo!

god i miss those days. life was fucking fun back then, weren't it?

At 6/19/2006 12:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what class are you? i graduated from manual in the mid 90s. i had crady before he took off for mexico. i loved it. he was so messed up. i heard he is teaching in da'ville again.

At 6/20/2006 9:33 AM, Blogger shoobie said...

hey anonymous whats up.
all these commentors and i were the great class of 98. so just a few younger than you...

thanks for reading, holler back if you think 4th street live is the shiiiit.

and while i have your attention, what are the chances you know what schoolhouse rock is? another kentucky conspiracy i have come across is that NO SCHOOLS in ky showed their students this educational programming.. but everyone else in the entire country knows what it is

At 6/21/2006 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

class of 96 representing shoob. i have heard of school house rock (from a family member of mine. she shows it to her kids that she is home schooling), but i have never seen it.

4SL is quite the place to be on the weekends.

you are very lucky not to have ms. kelley for spanish. she es muy loco. it was almost a daily occurance that my fellow classmates would make her cry. we learned more about mexican culture than any lick of the spanish vocab.

At 11/29/2006 7:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this the same Roy Crady that now teaches at Butler? He is very messed up, still talks about his 7 wives. Now lives in leaky condo. Is this the same one? Was in Marines?

At 11/30/2006 9:25 AM, Blogger shoobie said...

i think you mean 'merchant marines'.

definitely him.

At 11/30/2006 3:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

'merchant marines'? he just said he was in the marines, can you elaborate?


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