Tuesday, August 17, 2004

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10 Burning Questions with Borat

Borat Sagdiyev. #1 most popular media personality in his small, poverty-ridden country of Khazikstan. Husband to a gargantuan and very hairy wife, lover of many khazakstani hoes he fucks on the side, explorer in the vast melting pot of american lifestyles. He has come here to Atlanta where he sat down with vicklanta reporter Ace McSoggybottom to discuss life. (to be read with borat voice in mind)

10) Thanks so much for coming. We'd like to know first, what do you think of American women?
Jagshamesh. thank you for having me on your show. ehh i think women, in dis country, very nice. i have touched eh brown hair, the fire hair, and the yellow head. i like them all very much. ehh the yellow heads have no hair on their ehh, how you say for woman chram? ehh, the vajin. i like this very much. my wife. she has much hair on her arms, her back, face. american women have no hair.

9) What is the craziest thing you have seen in America so far?
Yes, ehh one night in new york, the big apple, i was ehh break dancing? in a discotech. i dont know how you say this. i go to talk to woman there and she is very nice. she tell me she want to buy drinks and beat me later that night. i take her to my room, we get in the bed. and then ehh, i felt lower and she had a ehh chram. it was the craziest thing to ever occur to me here...... i choked her to death in the bed, and havent heard any news of that one.

8) I'm sorry, did you just say you choked someone to death in a hotel bed?
Yes, what is problem? in my country, we sh-shoot women if they look at a man funny. my wife was shot several times by drunk farmers......eh she was mistaken for a wild, rabid dog.

7) Can you tell a difference between northern and southern people in america?
Ehh sure. in the north, new york, new jersey, i meet many women who wear big metal rings on their ears. they chew gum and make a pop pop noise with it. the men dont talk to me at all. in the south, they talk slow and all can relate to my horse problems. in khazakstan, we like our horses. in kentucky, they make love inside their horses. it is very different.

6) Tell us about your family back home.
My brother, he is named Bilo. He has much hair on his body and works for the eh people who have tents. everyone comes and laughs at the eh, strange people. he smells like a wet dog shit. my sister, she has made the family very proud. she has been voted best sex in mouth for my whole country. you like? she want to move to america, you could eh perhaps marry her? she will do sex in mouth any time. she is very nice.

5) Sounds disgusting. If you could move to america what job would you want to do here?
Well at home in khazakstan i work for tv show. i am popular for having the sexy with many american women. if i lived here, i would like to own three or four slaves to run my farm. then i would sell the sexy of the american farmer women to many men at night. i would show them how khazakstani women make sexy like wild tiger. i am raped by women every day at home.

4) Are you just into women or do hot men do it for you too?
Ohh. ehh. i dont know why you ask me if i like bum bum sex. ehh, in my country we say shoot the jew and hang the homosecksual. you are familiar with this yes?

3) Well in america, we dont really persecute jews or homosexuals for their beliefs.
hahaha, you should! in khazakstan the jews have the biggest horn out of all jews in the world. i have met some here...they make lot of money and like the sexy with yellow head women too. i hear from some of that atlanta georgia friends i have made that the jew is in charge of all tv here. this would be a big joke in my country... we beat the jew with sticks and rocks and the ak-47. it is good yes?

2) yes. er, no. what about black people, that must be different for you in america.
ohh, the chocolate face. yes, in my country we have never seen a chocolate up close. in america, i hear that you make them plow fields and pick the ehh tobacco. in my country the wife is supposed to do this job. in america, the chocolate face have two kinds: very rich and very poor. i like eh the basketball that your chocolates play... in my country we have game where we push a sheep around until the last khazak is left and then he is to make sexy with the bum bum of the sheep. it is very tight, i like.

1) Do you have any last words of wisdom for our readers out there?
ohh yes. i like you, do you like me? if you have liquid explosion problem, before the sexy, you should drink 6 vodka shot to help. if your horse work faster than your wife, shoot your horse and show the wife what happens to bad worker. oh and watch out for jew claws.

Thank you borat. that was probably the unfunniest of the burning questions series on this site. i now feel dumber for having tried to interpret that.


At 8/18/2004 8:31 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

uh, dude...i actually found that to be hysterical. like, so funny i want to marry it.

At 9/18/2006 11:44 AM, Blogger JumpinJewess said...

This really was utterly hilarious. I am very impressed, although as Yellow Hair I should run away. from probable liquid explosion.


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