Kickball

For those of you who dont know about my athletic prowess, pay close attention. This year, I got an email from Coach Kliegmo about being a definite target for this year's free agency pool. for those of you who dont know my story... it all started when i was 7 years old. i was the 'roller' and usually kicked somewhere in the 6th-8th order of the lineup throughout elementary school. changeups, curveballs, bouncies.... i had it all. bethany taylor and anna mastri could not handle my roll and as a result, i usually put up a few K's every game. one time andrew gilmore struck out so bad that he cried and had to go inside... the rolls were that vicious. but at the end of the school year, when all the cards were on the table.... i lost my grip on the ball and it hit my knee and rolled at a snails pace towards home plate and the cleanup kicker.... phillip mcfadden. he was only 8, but all i remember was dropping to one knee after the ball was let go and realizing before his foot made contact that it was all over. phillip had kicked a grand slam to win the 4th grade trophy and MVP award. i was heart broken. shattered. not even a pudding pop and Hi-C juice box could make me feel any better. i hung up my game and vowed to never play this heartless monster of a sport again.

That was almost twenty years ago, yet i remember it like it was just yesterday. But Coach Kliegmo promised me a fresh start. she promised me a new outlook. she promised tough challenges. and she promised the position of 2nd baseman for the Red Rubbers - Candler Park league. i didnt know i was in the running... hell i dont even know how she found my glorious kickball reputation... i suspect google has something to do with it. either way, she has re-sparked my interest in this sport i swore off ages ago.... and i cant let her or the team down now.

Sunday was my kickball team's first practice. for those of you who didnt realize this... adults all over the country play coed kickball competitively. i stress that c word, for it is really just an excuse to have some fun with your peers and meet new other lazy ass people who want to get outside but not be too intense. you can booze at games, in fact boozing is encouraged. coach hasnt given me a ruling on Greens before games, but i suspect it will be similar to the militarys dont ask dont tell policy.

Our team is surprisingly deep... there were several caught pop ups and also several tag outs. if you dont remember kickball from back in the day, you can peg anyone out if they are off the base. if you overthrow, they can advance and then try to steal more. since aggressive base running is my forte, i cant wait to see how many SB's i have at the end of the year. cap that off with a few tagouts and a few RBIs and i would call the comeback season a success. I will keep you all posted of our league standings and hope that maybe one day you too can aspire to be a kickball world champion like i once was.

if you are actually interested despite the fact that you realize this entire blog was bullshit, please refer to the Official Kickball Website. they have the official kickball rules here too... pretty funny to read.