Friday, July 29, 2005

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The Devils Playground

before i get into the schtick, black chick in the stairway at work told me she likes my hair. its hot. yesss, further proving the point that black women love me. when i go out on the weekends, it is inevitable that a girl will want to touch my hair. why is that? why do they feel like they can put their hands on me just because they want the ix? should i feel honored that you want to touch my hair? do i let it go on without saying any of this inner monologue? of course.

Amish People. residents of the ohio-pennsylvania rolling rock region. love those buggies and hats. amish people have been in the news more recently, and with my intense passion for finding out about the truth of all religions, i dug my claws deep into the gritty life of amish teenagers. i did not know this until recently, and maybe most of the world knows and i am the fucking assclown, but check this out.

amish people have this rite of passage in their culture called 'rumspringa', translated from hitler language it means running around. basically when you turn 16 or so, your parents turn a blind eye to any activity you choose to do, sinful or not. then it is your choice whether you want to return to the religion and obey its strict laws for the rest of your life.

so let me get this straight. little velda grows up like any amish girl, dreaming of milking cows and shucking corn for all eternity. she eats with the family, she goes to church a lot, she hangs out in the schoolyard playing with sticks and leaves for fun, she patches her own clothes, and then.... one day when she is all growns up with her bubs bursting out of that frock thing, her parents release her into modern day 2K5 america. holy shit, that is fucking insane.

think of how unprepared she would be showing up at a frat party. or a mall. or any public place where you would be looked at and you would know that these people are outsiders to you and you are an outsider to them. suddenly you can smoke cigarettes, drink beer, go to discotequas, fuck as many dudes as you want, blow coke off a passed out dudes asscrack at a trucker stop, essentially anything your little unshaped mind can sling at itself.

think of the psychological implications of this practice. all you know is your core family and the villagers that you see every day at church. you are completely engulfed in farm life and have no concept of modern technology. then you are given the option to go play in a completely different universe where sin is slung around like a cheap crack whore named gloria. sounds great right? sounds like you would enjoy life more if you started from scratch and had unlimited freedom. here's the catch. if you decide to stay out in the real world, anyone you knew from the amish village will never speak to you again. never ever. your parents shun you for life. your sister and bro forget your name for eternity. they stamp out your name in the log book and you are banned from ever returning 'home' again.

or, if you do return home, you have to completely wash away all that fun you were having as a distant memory. a stage in your life that you chose to give up to come back to the church forever. binding. you can never go back to the real world again. you marry and have 4 kids who you put through the same process you just went through.

i like the idea that the kids get to choose the path, i just feel like the method is completely wrong. no teen from fucking amish pennsylvania is going to survive out in the real world. asking your kid to choose between family and freedom is insane. amish kids are ill-equipped with the means to make a decision that is in their best interest.

every article i just scanned over about this concept closes with something like: "amazingly, 85-95% of the kids return back home and go with the church". no shit sherlock. 19 out of 20 amish kids decide well ya, hoes and drugs and alcohol are awesome, but i cannot live a lifetime without mommas meatloaf and stuffed cabbage. i guess i'm gonna go with that option.

hope everyone has a great weekend. i am hung.
over at work today. i am moving into a new place with jonny electronics this weekend. should be d.lightful


At 7/29/2005 1:44 PM, Blogger cantseefade said...

Dude, I just thought of a great idea for a new Fox "reality show" that would involve amish girls, spring break, and Panama city beach. Ahhh... amish people. Witness and Kingpin are basically my only glimpses into their silly little luddite culture. "Bye Brother Munson, bye whore." Classic stuff.

At 7/29/2005 2:53 PM, Anonymous Ali said...

Netflix the movie "Devil's Playground"'s all about the rumspringa...really good

so katz is letting you move nice of him, when is the house warming party? I'll bring my amish friends

At 7/31/2005 7:23 PM, Blogger katlanta said...

Very interesting! I'm sure there are scads of porns about that...tho' maybe not; the concept might not work so well if you aren't versed in the concept of 'runningspringe' whatever the fork you called it.

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