Sports Games that Don't Mean Shit
Hello vicklanta readers. i got some heat for writing that sci-fi piece a week or so ago.... why is it that fiction drives my friend pool insane? i feel like people lost their sense of imagination right after graduating college. this is when you enter the 'real world'. the cold harsh taste of reality fills your mouth like an anchovy sandwich (on a french baguette). on a side note, the real world season 16(!!) is quite spicy, with the hottest midwest nympho i have seen on tv in awhile. within the first three episodes she tells us about a long term boyfriend, tells us she likes to fuck a lot, and then says she is falling for this dude danny in the house, with whom she would like to bunny fuck all up and down the hottub if it were not for his surgery from getting blindside sucker-punched in the side of the face by some austin cowboy skoal spitting fucker. whhhew, what a mouthful. if this is season 16 of the real world, that means i was 9 when real world 1 started.
also, shoutout to all the july birthdays. dont you know an insanely high amount of july birthdays amongst your friends? we always missed out on cool celebrations of cupcakes and fruit punch at elementary school, but i guess it was cool to be able to have your birthday at a water park when its 85 and hot as hell. last year i got to go to counting crows on a monday night for my bday. this year its on a tuesday and i am thinking moes and hoes, star bar, options for pony, waho, sleep. whos comin with me. whos comin with me.
and now on to more pressing matters. sports games that dont mean shit. now i am not talking about a list like hockey, soccer, tetherball, and curling here... that would be 'shitty sports'. i am talking about the games that have absolutely no effect on a teams record and should therefore not exist.
Baseball - The All Star Game, played tonight on ESPNHD, is the halfway mark of the MLB season. To be chosen to the all star game is a tradition started back in 1903. if you are chosen to consecutive all star games, you are probably winning various other MLB awards and will likely make it to the hall of fame when your number is called. all the best hitters, fielders, pitchers are voted on by YOU, the fans. but the thing is, whichever league wins the game receives home field advantage in the world series. An absolutely worthless game is actually worth something significant, and that is lame. If the purpose of the home run derby and celeb game and all star game is to do something entertaining for the kids, then it should have no impact on the world series, perhaps the most amurrican tradition ever. i just hope my little dominican all stars are getting well rested for the 2nd half of baseball. braves games are about to get ever more exciting than they already are, with tons of talent returning. i am just wondering what all these 9 rookies are gonna do when the roster spots peace out. who goes, who stays.
NFL Football - 4 Pre-Season Games. every year, these absolutely useless games take place. every year the sportscasters talk shit about the games, saying everyone looks incredible.... buuut, it is just pre season. you hear it tacked on to frat boys discussions on their futons whilst hitting massive bingers. you hear it at the water cooler. example:
Obnoxious Philly Fan: "Damn my man McNabb looked sick last night launching that hail mary for 62 to TO"
Realistic Person: "Ya, but its just preseason"
None of the stats count. None of the scores matter. Scrimmage games should be worked out off the field. But, the NFL makes money on broadcasting and advertisements, so why the fuck should they care? Also, being an ATL fan we all know how much we hate preseason vick spin moves. get ready for Monday Night Football, we are gonna have some scorchers. Momma McNabb better renew her Campbells soup contract, because donovan is gonna need plenty in the sick bed after madden curse takes place.
NCAA Hoops - The play-in game for the NCAA March Madness tour has to be one of the dumbest televised games for the year. a playoff between the 64th and 65th worst best teams in the country, which ultimately leads to one of them getting stomped in their first round. The polls should just lock in the 64 teams, no need for this inevitably ridiculous game. never in the history of the tourney has a 16 seed beat a 1 seed. never. ever.
thats it. maybe more to come later.
my brazilian BA is already leaving the project after two months of work. yessssss.