Tuesday, July 05, 2005

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Nature, Chaos, and the Universe

In the depths of the milky way galaxy, billions of stars rotate around the spirals that stretch across millions of light years. Many of these stars have completely uninhabitable solar systems… living organisms have not evolved to withstand the harsh conditions of planetary life. But there are plenty of stars with fully functioning, living, breathing planets full of life beyond our imagination. In the center of the galaxy, there exists a federation of planets whose duty is to protect the natural chaos that exists within any major star system. Comets, supernovas, black holes… the natural order of the galaxy is supposed to remain untouched by outside forces.

Due to budget constraints, the federation has not been able to track down every single planet in the galaxy with life. As a result, spiral 4 in the milky way band, is ‘line-item funded’ and until the original treaties of the federation are worked out, these far-off systems remain untouched by intelligent life outside their own solar systems. The main purpose of the federation is to create a balance of power among any planets in the galaxy, allowing any lifeforms the opportunity to create galactic laws which will ensure the future of the milky way galaxy.

The history of this federation begins 1,190,023 years ago when peaceful emissaries were sent from Planet Yugekok to Planet Dynky to establish a collective bargaining agreement. The yugekoks would export their precious lotus plants in exchange for the dynky rocket fuel to power the federation ships. These two planets would enlist the help of several other advanced lifeforms to gain new technologies, weapons, and of course the means to force galactic regulations on other members of the milky way galaxy.

This is very different than the Andromeda galaxy, where a staunch dictator rules planets with an iron fist and disobedience is punished to the utmost degree. This dictator strips planets of their value—whether its minerals, fuels, exotic life, food supplies. He has built an intergalactic war machine and plans to start invading neighboring galaxies within the next 100 years or so.

....That brings us to the present time, 2080. Earth has not been explored and made aware that they are in fact a part of the milky way federation. As a result, we do not know about any of the intergalactic policy that has been set forth by the federation to ensure our galaxy’s success. These things include basic rules, like “look but don’t touch”, “take only memories, leave only footprints”, no unwarranted attacks between planets will be tolerated... these are really just industry standard laws for any community of lifeforms.

Several days ago, a comet which originated in spiral 4 (earths region), struck a devastating blow to the capitol planet Yahyoh. For almost 10,000 years Yahyohians worked extra hard to prove to the galaxy that the milky way capitol should be on their planet…. clean crisp oxygen, beautiful waterfalls spanning the globe.. just a beautiful planet that any milky way resident would be proud to visit and explore during a trip to the capitol.

The comet came out of nowhere and was completely unaccounted for in the initial report filed by the investigating committee. There is a 99.9% accurate tracking of every object in the milky way galaxy… they haven’t all been explored, but we can at least see them and know where they are going, what they orbit around, etc. This comet literally came out of nowhere and when it collided with Yahyoh, almost a billion people were incinerated in the crash. Politicians, public officials, neighboring tourists… the list of casualties is one of the greatest galactic accidents of all time.

Immediately following the incineration of a billion citizens of this great galaxy, an investigation was started to find out how this comet went completely under the radar and was able to penetrate through the galaxy without ever being tracked by our amazingly advanced hyper-radar technology. The committee found out some interesting facts about the comet. This comet WAS tracked in the radar system…. 100 years ago it was on a path orbiting a system in spiral 4 of the milky way. On precisely July 4, 2005, something in the solar system that was not measurable or observable by the Office of Tracking All Galactic Bodies interacted with this comet to change its path forever. As a result, the natural order of the galaxy was changed forever. What started as a little ripple of universal interference turned into a major crash course for this comet to hit our capitol planet. Since all objects can be tracked, natural collisions are a part of the galaxy’s survival... If life exists on a planet that is about to be dragged into a supernova, the federation will work to evacuate these people and shift them to a new home. (Natural chaos is a part of the universe, as long as we get a heads up about it first)

In the days following the comet crash, the judicial branch of the federation issued a proclamation: Find whoever is responsible for that terrorist attack and make them pay to the utmost extent of the law. Under new fears of the andromeda dictator attacking our galaxy, the milky way is on a heightened level of security. Any interference with nature that leads to the destruction of any lives, planets, bodies, or stars, can be considered a terrorist act. When investigators traced the path of the comet down to the tiniest detail, several galactic cruisers flew to the point where the comet’s course was changed forever. The investigation showed trace elements of a collision that happened between something from the planet Earth and this comet. Planet Earth, with its role in the terrorist attack on the milky way, was scheduled for immediate termination. The planet’s citizens would not be saved, for they contributed to the destruction of billions. Even if they were unaware of their faults, they should have known the rules early... DO NOT FUCK WITH NATURE.

3 Comments:

At 7/05/2005 12:27 PM, Blogger achoo said...

this is even weirder than sergio.

 
At 7/05/2005 2:07 PM, Blogger jsk323 said...

Yeah Shuster got an anal probe from aliens over the weekend, so that might explain the bizarre blog.

I have no idea what's going on right now...

 
At 7/06/2005 7:50 AM, Blogger Paulie said...

dude, that's some good shit you are smoking.

 

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