Wednesday, June 23, 2004

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You've heard all the terms: pothead, hippie, stoner, cokehead, pusher, popper. These names are just a label used to identify drug behavior of an individual. They are commonplace, generic, everyones doing it...whats the big deal. But I swear to god, out of all the hundreds of potheads i have met, none of them can even come close to the vicinity of the one, the true, and the only: Crackie.

Crackie, as I am labelling her for I have no basis of determining her real name, is my friend Dwellis's neighbor. Let me just give you a little run down of what Crackie looks like. 5'6. brown straight hair, some gray. absolutely no teeth. wrinkled skin makes me think she could be an old 45 or a really old 35. her lip skin is kinda stretched over her mouth since there is no teeth support. oh, one more thing, she looooooooves crack.

Crackie, by profession, is a lawn mower. For $20 she will do the front and the back yard and bag all the nasty clippings. She doesnt really have a business card, I mean this is just a neighborly thing that she is doing as a service. The only problem is, when she comes over the first time and says she will do your lawn for $20 you think its an awesome deal. Little do you know that a week later Crackie is going to need some money and will want to mow your shit again. and again. and again.

Ya see Crackie says she is dyslexic. I would venture to say its probably more 50% having a georgia education and 50% because you are always high as shit on crack, you cracka ass crackie. Because of her condition, she cant write or read, ergo she cant make a lawn mowing calendar, ergo she doesnt ever remember when she mowed the lawn last. Wow. that must be some good ass pcp.

One time Crackie came over and asked dave for 3 dollars. 3 dollars? Her mom was in a bad, bad accident and she doesnt have a car and needed a ride to the hospital and had to pay for gas. I'm sorry but 3 dollars is a fucking joke. I am probably being insensitive and shit, but I think that its fucking crazy that you have so little money and so little worth that you are grinding out 3 dollars by lying to people, manipulating, looking sad, and of course mumbling since you have no teeth.

The only way to get rid of Crackie is to send her to a place where all her friends can have tons of fun, do whatever they want, and have no least for about 4 hours.


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