Monday, July 19, 2004

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The Worst "B" Bands in the World

Some of you might know that I have this little idiosyncrasy about bands whose name begins with the letter B. I would say I hate about 70% of the bands in the world that begin with B, its just one of those random things. The "Big 3" of the Biggest B Bands in this world are: The Beatles, Billy Joel, and Bruce "Boss" Springsteen. Each of these musical icons have gained mass pop culture street credit through record sales, concert tours, triple platinum albums, etc. etc. But you know what? As far as I'm concerned they can all get bent.
 
The Beatles have sold blah blah amount of albums. they have 6 of the top 10 best rock songs ever. blah blah. one time the beatles said they were bigger than jesus...in my eyes, they are smaller than a North American Feather-winged Beetle Nanosella fungi. (yay bug scientists!) they sound like shit. i was born in 1980, why should i be forced to say that some 60's hippie cultural revolution in music (from UK, i might add) should somehow find its way onto my daily rotae? every time someone says, "well have you listened to blah blah album?" yes dude, and i still hate the beatles. even sargent pepp-- yes, even sargent pepper. even lucy in the-- yes, even lucy and her fucking diamonds. i recognize that they influenced bands to this day, but that doesnt change the fact that they lick balls. i hate the beatles. moving on
 
Billy Joel is a duss. When I was 10 and listening to We Didnt Start the Fire, i had absolutely no concept of what good music was. uptown girl? fucking 80s style. the river of dreams? makes me want to puke. piano man? ehh, ok, this is obviously a good fucking song. but its better when someone else covers it.  the only thing i can think of that is positive about Billy Joel is: 



Bruce Springsteen. the boss. how in the world did this dude receive such a bold and B-hating title? Its because people from Jersey/Philly are the only ones who dont realize that Jersey is the armpit stain of america. Nothing good comes from Jersey (sorry tony soprano) except poofy hair, short skirts, hoop earrings, and loud obnoxious gum poppers. the only good song from this guy is secret garden from jerry maguire. it makes the panties drop.
 
Now you may think that calling these three B bands out is blasphemous. I just find it necessary to flush out shitty bands from classic rock radio. You may say, whatever, anyone who says these bands suck does not know shit about music. Ha! I recognize their influence but thats where i draw the line. if i am on a road trip in the back seat high and having a previously enjoyable time and this CD is put into the tray, i will never think twice about screaming BUZZKILL and calling these bands the worst fucking bands in the world.
 
Other "B" bands on the list

  • Beach Boys -- american classics? the beatles and the beach boys should go live on an island and play for each other if they are that revolutionary.
  • Babyface
  • Bette Midler -- haha, had to
  • Blessed Union of Souls
  • Blondie
  • Bob Dylan -- I mean come on, people who cover his songs are good. he sounds tone deaf.
  • Brandy
  • Brian McKnight
  • Britney Spears -- pure eye candy
  • Bubba Sparxx -- madden soundtrack is the highlight of his career...wow

6 Comments:

At 7/19/2004 12:07 PM, Blogger megan pistachio said...

BB King?
Burt Bacharach?
Bangles?
Bloodhound Gang?
Boyz II Menz?
David Bowie?
BeeGees?
Irving Berlin?
Bjork?
Black Sabbath?
Chuck Berry?
Garth Brooks?

 
At 7/19/2004 1:27 PM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

happy birthday, dippy...

hope you get some ass this evening, or at least maybe a blumpkin.

 
At 7/19/2004 3:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

at the music store billy joel would be filed under the J's...while springsteen would be filed under the S's...so they don't count as B's. dylan isn't a b either...as far as not liking the beatles...well either you haven't been listening to the right albums by them or you haven't realized that the bands you like(counting crows)would be nothing without them. try hating: boston... bon jovi...bad company

 
At 7/20/2004 9:02 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

BOSTON FUCKING ROCKS, QUIT HATIN'!

 
At 7/21/2004 2:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

slappy
shoobie started this whole hatin' thing.
i don't see you telling him to quit hatin'.
boston the city rocks, but the band does not.
ok maybe a couple of the songs rock.

 
At 7/21/2004 10:08 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

oh stevie, i think you need an edumacashun in boston.

yes, the town is great. that's why they named a kick-ass band after it.

TOP TEN BOSTON SONGS THAT TOTALLY KICK ASS
(in no particular order)

10. Amanda (it is a crappy song, but must appear on this list for obvious reasons)
9. Something About You
8. Smokin'
7. Rock & Roll Band
6. Don't Look Back
5. Feelin' Satisfied
4. Peace of Mind
3. Let Me Take You Home Tonight
2. More Than A Feeling
1. Foreplay/Long Time

maybe my love for brad delp and friends is a little weird or out-of-the-ordinary. it's definitely not indie rock. but hey, a girl can have her crazies every now and then, right? you can't tell me you've never been drunk as piss in a bar and "foreplay" comes on and you don't go "OH HOLY SHIT I LOOOOOVE THIS SONG!" everyone's done it, i'm sure.

 

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