Wednesday, July 07, 2004

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A Southern Redneck in trouble with Twins

I caant dooit kaptahn, I doont remembah a thing.

So I have a true confession. Heres the gist. This is taken from my memory so details tend to be hazy.

The last time I was up in NYC me and my boy katz stayed with asher. he lived on 56th and lex. Katz and I are bouncing around late night one night and we go to this little back door club around midnight. So we're vibing right. black chicks are hitting on me as usual. katz is eyeing some little jewish yatch but he knows she aint fuckin and katz fucks so this little chicken isnt gonna be around for much longer. my chick is british and the only problem with her is she is way too into me to be normal. not saying its hard to be way into me... its just, we just fucking met bitch. i dont know you. and i'm in nyc, so sketch factor is just implied. jewish girl hovers over her drink and gabs about how bitchy her mom is and how she talks to her every day, sometimes 4-5 times a day, even though they hate each other. all katz hears is blah blah blah, bl blah blah blah. I give what is known as the international sign for: lets do a lap. aww im sorry can you hang on one second, i have to go to the bathroom. see when girls say they are going to the bathroom, they go in there and talk to each other about the dudes they are with and what they should do. when guys say that shit, they are going to do a lap. to see the other action at the place instead of keeping themselves locked down at one specific vector, victor.

peace ladies. katz, lets see what else we got goin on in hea. dude. stop. bro. what? bro. what?? i swear to god, i think i see mary kate and ashley over there. where? there. woah. ya. Sure enough, Mary Kate, Ashley, and their entourage of bodyguards were at this little shit cafe getting pounded on booze, laughing, gigling, like two little fucking bunny rabbits ready to be devoured and fanged by me and jonny mcpot here.

(move your mouse over this image)

(you can tell them apart by their cute little eyes)

So I am pretty cocked and against better judgement I go to the jukebox to think of a kick ass tune I can dance to with Mary Kate. I think she is cuter, mainly because she is a little more emaciated than the other one. oops, i guess i should be more sensitive to her needs. (i know my boy dwellis would scrub the milk off with a moustache ride)

So anyway, what better artist than the great Jon Bon Jovi Bryan Adams. C22. click click, spinnnn. guitar riff. i got my first real six string down at the five and dime. played until my fingers bled, was the summer of '69. ya, me and katz roll up to the olsen party of 9. mary kate? yes. hey whats up, my names justin this here is my friend trent, we just call him double down. hu hu hi im jonathan. hey boys, nice to meet you. ya so listen we're only in town for the night, we're producing a movie down in atlanta with miramax right now actually. oooh really, i thought you looked kinda familiar. aww come on mary kate, youre just saying that.... no really, i feel like i know you from somewhere. well, i stalked ashley when i was 18 and she was 12...does that count? what? anyway, dont mind him mary kate. would you like to salsa with me to this fine bon jovi bryan adams tune. aww i would but wouldnt it be much easier if we just hopped in my limo and drove back to the Waldorf. oh you have a room there too. and a king size! ya know what, maaaybe after me and my buddy here are done partying for the night, well see if youre still awake when we get back. uh...uh...ok. cool, maybe well see you two later.

And with that, I tap katz on the shoulder, bringing him back from his drueling over ashley's little mini skirt, give him a head nod and were off for the door. when we get out in the street, i pull out the cigs, whip 2 out, hand one to him, and light us up. why in the FUCK did we leave that bar shuster? dude, like the tao of steve says, "Be desireless. Be excellent. Be gone." After a few puffs katz lets it sink in and goes, booyakasha respect. Lets go get some of that Ray's Pizza dude.

The End

7 Comments:

At 7/07/2004 11:56 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 7/07/2004 11:58 AM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

brian adams, not jon bon jovi.

duh.

 
At 7/07/2004 1:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

copsey - exactly what i was going to say...i was waiting to read that you chose "it's my life" or "livin' on a prayer" or even the throwback "dead or alive". but the summer of 69?!?!?

props for talking to them, but then you all just left the bar? did you run those actual lines, or is this some more from our friend sergio?
chiu

 
At 7/07/2004 2:02 PM, Blogger shoobie said...

chiu if you have to ask that question then you already know the answer. this is like the (sweetwater)420 tour. remember?

 
At 7/07/2004 2:26 PM, Blogger jsk323 said...

Dude, I have not idea what's going on right now. But I think you've officially smoked yourself retarded. Sober up bro!

 
At 7/07/2004 8:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this a true story? Stephanie

 
At 7/07/2004 11:46 PM, Blogger shoobie said...

stephanie,
reveal who you are and where you came from and i will reveal whether tis true or not.

ps-- its mostly a big crock of bullshit.
pps- or is it?

 

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