Wednesday, July 14, 2004

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Sketchball From the Six Flags Commercial

By now, if you are near a city with a six flags establishment (29 currently open), you have undoubtedly seen the commercial where the weird old guy dances around like a schmuck and gets people excited about going to six flags. He doesnt really do it for me, but maybe thats because he looks like a cracked out mix between Sopranos' Uncle Junior and cigar legend George Burns (linky... just in case)

Theme parks have to be one of the best possible ways to gain some adrenaline, drop a boatload of cash, and if youre hi you know its gonna be a fun ass day.

Before I do a list of top rides that I have ever been on, let me just say one more thing. The pirate ship concept, the idea of the stomach drop, has haunted me since i was a little boy. When i was about 8 i got on a pirate ship and definitely yarled all over the clothes of myself and my fellow landlubbers. it was a sad day in my life since it takes a fair amount of shit to get me embarassed. i tried again when i was 17, same exact shit. there are chronic bedwetters, i guess i am a chronic pirate ship puker. or maybe i am just the chronic, byatch.

List of My Top Rides in the USA (that I have ridden)

(fuck)Paramount's Kings Island, Cincinatti OH
The Beast

Still the World's Longest Wooden Roller Coaster for over 20 years. The legendary Beast still seizes it's prey in it's terrifying grip, roaring through the wilderness on 7,400 feet of track at speeds of over 60 mph through dark tunnels and it's signature twin helix! Consistently named the best wooden roller coaster in the world by enthusiasts everywhere, don't miss your chance to feel the grip of The Beast!

I just love the feel of the wood as my body gets whipped around faster than Martha Stewarts spatula.

Paramount's Kings Island, Cincinatti OH
The Vortex

Get ready for the twisted world view of the Vortex! Scream through 6 terrifying inversions at speeds over 55 mph through 3,800 feet of the most twisted track ever built! The worlds first 6-inversion coaster is still one of the most intense rides around.

Six Flags Great America, Jersey

The only coaster of its kind in the Northeast! Riders lie down, facing the sky, then fly head-first through tortuously twisted steel track -- diving into highly banked curves, spirals and a jaw-dropping, pretzel shaped, inverted loop.

Height: 115 feet
Speed: 60+ mph

Six Flags Over Georgia, Atlanta
The Ninja

The Black Belt of Roller Coasters! Sleek, black trains accelerate to speeds up to 55 mph, trains swing freely from side-to-side a total of 180 degrees through high speed spirals and sharp turns.
Height: 122 feet
Speed: 55+ mph

Six Flags Over Georgia, Atlanta
The Great American Scream Machine

Stretching 3,800 feet in length along the banks of the Chattahoochee River, this enormous coaster sends riders blurring past beautiful riverside scenery at speeds over 55 m.p.h. In 1973 it was the tallest coaster in the world at 105 feet tall.
Still considered among enthusiasts to be one of the greatest coasters in existence, the Great American Scream machine was built as a monument to the era of the first modern roller coasters and the great designers who created them.
Known for years throughout Atlanta and the Southeast as a rite of passage, no trip to Six Flags Over Georgia should be considered complete until you've counted yourself as one of the over 40 million park guests to have screamed from the top of this classic coaster. (42")

One thing that sucks about theme parks now is this new concept of like a SuperPass or a ExpressLane or whatever the hell creative name they call it. I thought that if you paid a flat fee you wait in line like everyone else. What a fucking rip to charge people additional huge fees to be able to skip the line. I would never pay it, but I am more pissed about the fact that all these theme parks who endorse said program seem to have forgotten the purpose of their thrill park. Its about the fun the guests are having, not how much coin you can make on super slushies and glo stick necklaces. Or, if you just hate lines, lines, LINES! you could just make a million dollars and get yourself one of these:


At 7/14/2004 2:45 PM, Blogger cmdrslappy said...

dude, you have to go to cedar point in ohio. it kicks all those "amusement parks"' asses. fo' sho.

At 7/14/2004 4:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's spoken like good ol' bj treece, he used to always tout that place. btw, the two pics above cartmanland don't show up on my computer.

At 7/14/2004 4:21 PM, Blogger jsk323 said...

Speaking of America's greatest's Sharon?


P.S. For those that don't know, I'm referring to Shuster's mom. Yeah, I said it.

At 7/14/2004 10:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Six was in our studio the other day, doing the retarded dance with the open mouth thing. Then we had all these Mr. Six impersonators come and dance like idiots on Good Morning America. He looks like Larry David's dad, the one who smokes the earl for his glaucoma.

At 7/15/2004 9:19 AM, Blogger shoobie said...


she is 53 and pretty loose buddy. ya, i said that!
good work finally nailing a jewish girl though


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