Wednesday, July 21, 2004

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Krispy Kreme gone mad

Krispy Kreme donuts are gods gift to man. Now I understand that this statement may receive some heat...i'm sure there's some random mom and pop store back home in long island that serves up the best donuts on earth. But in terms of corporate america donuts, krispy kreme takes the icing.

The nastiest thing i have ever seen in relation to krispy kreme is by none other than my main jewish media infiltrator Asher Levine. Despite his asinine commentary on all topics, he also has a penchant for these warm, gooey donuts that seem to melt in your mouth. One day me, fucks, and ash were at tortillas (previously gods gift to man before closing time) and we had hauled enough burrito and chips to feed somalia. after drowning mine in red & green, i just wanted to get home to sit on the can, maybe catch up on my summer reading. Asher wants to make a side trip to krispy kreme to haul a few donuts. bro, no way you can eat any donuts after torts. blasphemy. sure nuff, asher bought a dozen and piped down 2 in the car on the way home. is the word vomitable a legitimate real word? because thats what it was.

krispy kreme has also come in on the clutch after several rainy music midtown nights. what better sketchy parking lot to be in than a ponce krispy kreme when youre covered in mud and sweat and rain and 10,000 other concert attendees are all trying to skance 1 donut off your fresh hot piping box of 12. or when outkast is about to come on and clouds are just covering the entire sky and you make the call to leave the concert to beat all the rain, go into KK and grab a doz, hail a cab, and as you open the door the sky unloads rain over those idiots who stayed to watch 1/2 of stankonia have to cancel his performance anyway.

krispy kreme has developed many different flavors over the years, but obviously no one can stray from the bread and butter of donuts, original glazed. check out some of these statties:

  • Every day, Krispy Kreme makes about 5 million doughnuts.
  • Every year, they make about 2 billion doughnuts.
  • Every week, they make enough doughnuts to reach from New York to Los
  • Every year, they use up two Olympic-sized swimming pools worth of
  • Every year, they use about 1 million pounds of sprinkles.
  • Collectively, Krispy Kreme's stores could make a doughnut stack as high as the Empire State Building (that's 1,454 feet or 443 meters) in only two minutes.

And with this reputation, this indisputable reign over the donut industry, why mess with a good thing? Krispy Kreme plans on releasing donut-in-a-drink.

Now you can fully experience glazed by getting an iced original kreme, raspberry, latte, or double chocolate. I know one man in the world who would not only eat donuts but also drink donuts if he could.

Krispy Kreme was founded on providing essential hot melty glazed donuts to satisfied southern customers. Dairy queen called, they want their hot eats cool treats idea back. No need to make a vomitable drink concept become your new marketing scheme to make more money. Stick with the original. This blog was absolutely not funny, i am ashamed for writing such blarg.

On a side note, my monday birthday concert was awesome-o and adam duritz and crew rocked out acoustic style. Why dont you come. in. out. of. the rain.


At 7/21/2004 10:59 AM, Blogger jsk323 said...

I saw this earlier and it made me think of that old SNL skit where they were drinking cookie dough...I think Will Ferrel was in it maybe? Sounds fucking nasty.

At 7/21/2004 11:01 AM, Blogger jsk323 said...

Oh and also...uhh something about Shuster's mom and a ton of icing...I don't know you fill in the blanks. There's a joke there somewhere...


At 7/21/2004 11:46 AM, Blogger shoobie said...

maybe you were thinking along the lines of:

all francine's holes filled with hard cock...err, glazed frosting.

At 7/21/2004 4:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i too would like a sunburn and a raincoat...and a phone call.


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