Thursday, August 26, 2004

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My Ode to Wanda Sykes

Women stand-up comedians are not funny. Janean Garafolo, not funny. Whoopie Goldberg, only funny with billy crystal and robin williams. kathy griffin, could you be any more obnoxious? cheri o'teri... well actually youre really funny, but ive never seen your stand up. But right now, wanda takes the crown.

Wanda Sykes is fast becoming the most paid most face-time comedian on tv. She has already had a few HBO specials and has a new series on the best channel known to man.
- She hosts a comic stand-up show called premium blend.
- She is covering celebrity interviews on HBO 'Inside the NFL' which is always a good recap of the week in sports.
- She crank calls people as the 'angry black chick' on Crank Yankers
- She has a new book out
- She was on Celebrity Poker Showdown
- She has a new one hour stand-up routine
- She guest stars a lot on Curb Your Enthusiasm as Cheryls black chick friend

Wanda Sykes is fucking hilarious on curb. my favorite wanda episode is definitely the one with crazy eyes killa, her new boyfriend/rap mogul. larry and he become niggaz until larry finds out crazy eyes is cheating on wanda. he tells his wife despite the fact that crazy eyes killa is in fact a crazy eyed killer. of course the wife tells wanda, and wanda kicks his ass out of the house. then crazy comes after larry...funny ass episode.

the other funny one is when larry is mistakenly caught twice by wanda as being a racist.
(he accidentally handed his keys to a black guy standing right by the valet sign)

Guy leaves… After he vanishes out of shot, we see Wanda standing a few feet in the background, arms crossed, focussing Larry. He sees her, and waves weakly. Wanda walks towards him.

Wanda: So, you automatically think the black man is the valet guy!
LD: No, no I don’t automa….
Wanda: Yes, you did, I saw it.
LD: He’s standing by the valet…
Wanda: Get my car, boy.
LD: He…
Wanda: I saw it, Larry!
LD: He had on a white shirt, a red tie and a vest, he’s standing by the valet sign… it’s an honest mistake!
Wanda: Oh, oh yeah, that’s honest! Anytime I see a black man in a tie and a suit I say: ‘Hey, you must park cars for a living!’
LD: I feel it was an honest mistake.
Wanda: No, no…maybe if it was a white man standing here, then you would not…
LD: I would have given him the valet ticket.
Wanda: You would not…
LD: I would too!
Wanda: No, you would have asked him…
LD: I would too!
Wanda: …not!
LD: Too!
Wanda: Not! You would have asked him for a stock tip...or... It is all you… where are you going?

then it happened again:

Scene: In front of hospital. Larry exits the car. He is singing. When he is walking towards the entrance, a black guy in casual clothes passes him by. Larry then turns around and turns his car-alarm on with his infrared-key. The car makes the typical beep. Suddenly, the black guy turns around...

BlackGuy: Think I’m gonna steal your car?
LD: No, no, I just forgot to, to put the alarm on…. It’s not you! No race thing! No, no race thing!
Black guy: Asshole! [He continues walking]
LD: No, I don’t even need the alarm on. Look! I turn it off [turns alarm off]. Look!
Black Guy continues his way. Again, Wanda is in the background and stares at Larry. She walks to him.
Wanda: There again, huh? So what? The black man and a suit parks cars; black man, no suit he gonna steal your car!
LD: What is it? I can’t do anything in the city without you watching me, following me?
Wanda: I told you I ‘m shooting here all week.
LD: He just happened to be there when I turned around to put the alarm on! That’s not my fault!
Wanda: You saw the black man; you just thought "let me lock my car". You put the alarm on. The black man made you go "Let me lock my car!"
LD: I just, I just haven’t done it yet, that’s all.
Wanda: And do you think a black man would want that piece of shit?
LD: Piece of shit? How dare you? Piece of shit...
Wanda: Yeah, have a look! It’s a toy car. No black man wanna toy car, a black man want a get up and go!
LD: I didn’t think the black man wanted the car.
Wanda: So look. Did aaah, did you hear back from Martin about my script?
LD: Yeah!
Wanda: And? [Larry shrugs]. What?
LD: Sorry to say! Didn’t like it! It happens!
Wanda: Well, did you tell him I was black?
LD: No!
Wanda: Why didn’t you tell him I was black?
LD: I don’t know! Why should I?
Wanda: It makes a big difference! Larry, you don’t know when to play the card! You know, white guys, they love this shit. Well "Oh, look at me, I’m liberal! Helping a black person." You should know better. That’s when you tell somebody they’re black.
LD: Alright, I’ll tell him you’re black., okay? Fine.
Wanda: Tell him, I’m like a brown skin black, not black skin. Make sure I am not real black...[Larry walks away]
LD: Hope, I don’t see you for a while! Getting sick of you!
Wanda: Take your sick ass into hospital.

Anyway, Wanda Sykes you are the funniest woman out there. My #2 is of course the cutest little Jewish firecracker who has a lot of run-ins with wanda out there on the comedy circuit. mmmm, sarah silverman. want to touch the heiny. how can i get a fucking date with this girl?!?

---------------> and now, lots of unnecessary pictures


At 8/27/2004 7:30 AM, Blogger steven garrett said...

i want to do both of the same time...while they make me laugh


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