Tuesday, February 08, 2005

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The Grammy Nominations

Now let me preface this big blog by saying that i am a huge sellout. not only do i fiend articles like this to get me inspired to actually write (since my mind is a vast empty black hole of bong resin), but i dont even watch awards ceremonies. it seems like the worst form of celebrity ass kissing and lucas, from empire records, explained it best in this hypothetical:
Lucas: Well, if Axl Rose was driving down the highway and saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road, do you think Axl Rose would stop and help him?
Warren: Hell no man! Axl would grab the wheel, hit the gas, and take that sucker out!
Anyway, lets get back to this. Look at all the awful awful people up for nominations this year.

Record of the Year
Let's Get It Started- The Black Eyed Peas
god what a schwag song. if i have to hear the get retarded song one more time on the radio i am going to shoot myself. superbowl bands that aren’t the main spot are sellouts. Bands that should be lacing tracks with sick beats and do xm-radio commercials instead are sellouts. The black eyed peas have one thing going for them: backup vocalist chicky who is hot.

this chick's actual name is fergie, in case anyone cares

Here We Go Again- Ray Charles & Norah Jones

American Idiot- Green Day

Not too impressed with what i have heard over and over again on the radio. if someone can convince me this one should win it, please... i am listening.
Heaven- Los Lonely Boys

Yeah!- Usher Featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris

Haha... you know what made this song so hot? it wasnt the 'leak' to the studio. it wasnt the outstanding lyrical collaboration. it was millions of white kids impersonating dave chapelle impersonating lil jon that made this a hit. give credit where credit is due.

Album of the Year (not sure why this is any different than record)
Genius Loves Company- Ray Charles & Various Artists

American Idiot- Green Day

The Diary Of Alicia Keys- Alicia Keys

Confessions- Usher
urshur. great name. here are some past 'hits' in case we, the pop culture of america, dont remember: You Make Me Wanna, Nice and Slow, My Way, Confessions 1, 2, 3, 14.
The College Dropout- Kanye West
This album is by far the most spun hip hop in my stereo right now. despite the fact that kanye west has a serious issue with paying for higher education, the beats are sick. the songs are real good. the bass bumps and this shit is just good, trust me. i heard the first 3 songs in san fran and knew i had to buy the album right then.

Song of the Year
Daughters- John Mayer
Half these people dont even write their own lyrics. I give props to mayer. despite my impending gay check for listening to this soft acoustic rock.
If I Ain't Got You- Alicia Keys

Jesus Walks- Kanye West

Live Like You Were Dying- Tim McGraw

The Reason- Hoobastank
hoobaskank. i have to confess-- one birthday, there was nothing going on in town except a free hoobastank concert. and i went! lame.
and now.... who i think should (or shouldn't) win the rest.
Best New Artist- not Maroon 5. i am making a stand. maroon 5 sucks. big balls. ugh. make this band go away.
Best Female Vocalist- well sheryl crow is like milf hot, norah jones is like sweet hot, but i have to go with gwen stefani. raver crazy out all night fucks like a champ sweaty sexy hot.
Best Male Vocalist- gotta give it to my man jonny mayer. sorry prince, stick to basketball.
Best Duo or Group- not evanescence. awful. not hoobastank. just give it to no doubt even though i know maroon 5 might take this one.
Best Pop Instrumental Performance- give it to ben harper! he is z dank.
Best Dance Recording- haha, britney spears toxic is awful. scissor sisters sounded awful on SNL. kylie minogue is so 25 years ago. chemical brothers it is!
Best Hard Rock Performance- incubus = succubus. nickelback = supercuts. slipknot = copycats. slither = teenypunks. metallica... still the king of hard rock.
Best Rock Instrumental Performance- laughable! when allman brothers, brian wilson, and Rush are all on the same nomination list, it reminds me of this tidbit from chasing amy:

Banky: Okay, now see this? This is a four way road, okay? And dead in the center, is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now at the end of each of the streets, are four people, okay? You following? Up here, we got a male-affectionate, easy- to-get-along-with, no political agenda lesbian. Okay? Now down here, we have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck, agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. To this side, we got Santa Claus, right? And over to this side - the Easter Bunny. Which one's going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky: I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an S.A.T. question. Which one's going to get to the hundred dollar bill first - the male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky: Because these other three are figments of your fucking imagination!

The only good categories are the Rap/Hip Hop ones.
Best R&B- Al Green
Best Rap Solo Performance- Eminem Just Lose It, Jigga's 99 Problems, Twista Overnight Celebrity is hot, and my man kanye. i guess i hope eminem wins.
Best Rap Duo- Beastie Boys- ch-check it out, The Roots, Drop it like its hot- snoop dogg, lean back- terror squad. all good uns.
Best Rap Song- Snoop Dogg & Pharrell.
Best Rap Album- has to go to beastie boys to the 5 boroughs. kanye youre in 2nd. jay z 3rd.

Then the ceremony ends and the country music shit picks up. and that is where i must end this fantastic blog. Have fun watching the grammys! (on sunday february 13) I am going to do what most people SHOULD do and just look at the list on the internet. laters.


At 2/10/2005 11:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

record of the year...should be called single of the year...album of the year well that is the whole thing...


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