Thursday, June 29, 2006

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Re-Re-Kick-Off Special Sauce Fo Dat Ass

Ladies, Gentlemen, Hippies, Schlong-Googlers, Spammers, and Random Internet Traffic alike....

I have just returned from an awesome 2 month vacation from NOT blogging and NOT yapping off at the mouth with lude commentary on the social patterns of this fucked up country and all the crazies that fill it. But I have rested, regained strength of wits and mind, trained with a grand master of literature, climbed the highest mountains in search of my chi, and went skydiving with the madori tribesmen of the valley of shadows.

for the past two months i have been dominating ixxbox 360 with any spare time. ya i will go down and check tivo for like 3 shows a week, and of course no one can pass up a good world cup futbol match in HD, but i took the steady road to videogamer paradise by purchasing a 360, an Aquos HD to play it on, and my own personal bubbler whenever i feel not suped up enough to continue on.

As with any long break from something so creative and amazing and well written and thought provoking as my blog, i have a text message bin full of shit that has been getting at me since i stopped writing in May. you may not believe this but the main reason why i stopped in the first place is because i cracked the lcd screen on my digicam at Derby and never saw a titty anyway. i mean you know the country's culture has changed if you cant see one fucking titty on derby day at churchill downs. and no it wasnt because i was blacked out, legitimately no tits.

So many options for things I want to talk about, just not enough time....

I am the 2% of america that is actually watching the world cup. actually, i just ripped off this stat from somewhere else:
Through eight games as of June 22, ESPN averaged a 1.5 household rating and 1.37 million homes, up 150% and 154%, respectively, compared with the same point during the 2002 World Cup (11 matches averaged a 0.6 and 540,000 homes).The network averaged 1.72 million viewers, up 149% from 690,000 four years ago.
so that is still mad low. first of all the games were at a more reasonable hour, as opposed to 2002 when they were at 3-4 am, maybe 6-7 am. note to jonnycakes: this is a real stat that incites discussion about something important, not your retarted factoid about PK shots almost always going in no matter what. here are some questions i have for people regarding the World Cup.

To The Americans: How did we muck our shit up so badly. even Iraq outshot us in terms of shots on goal. we scored one goal on our own accord. in some sports, we were dominant for years and have now been ousted from our post. in soccer, we have never been dominant and this year we were ranked higher than ever before.... out in the first rounds? insane. we had no hustle or heart the first game, and even when we played our asses off we lose. its a shame, but US sports aint what they used to be.

To The International i.e. Not US Crowd: explain to me why your culture's version of our "BOOOO" sounds like a 4 year old pregnant girl giving birth. everytime you disagree with a call or a delay in game, do you really have to scream "EEEEEEEEE" in the highest pitched tone you can handle? -- it has to be the most obnoxious sound on earth. as far as looking strong goes, i predict a German vs. Brazil game that will hopefully side with the nazis for the win. ya see, i love watching brasil... they are just so nasty with the ball movement skills. but i have actual money riding on Germany. 9-1 if you can fucking believe that. If I call the super bowl winners and the world cup winners this year, i better get some love from the betting gods for NFL season.

To Everyone: Sports are becoming more international than ever before. Can you believe that yesterday, an NBA team drafted an Italian 7'0 monster as the #1 draft pick over all the college stars from last years amazing NCAA pool? the US couldnt win against their counterpart Puerto Rico in a sport they INVENTED. we dipped out of the World Baseball Classic so fast, not to mention the fact that Cuba of all nations who has been opressed for 40 years by the US embargo won it all. you cracy mayn.

Speaking of hispanic shit, I obviously have this years halloween costume all primed and picked out for me:

and for now, thats all i can muster. i have been coding like a bastard at work, and havent gotten suped up with the wakey bakey in almost 3 months. god damn, its been straight hell. but i promise i wont run out of shit to say for at least one more month, maybe two. the thing is i sit on a fucking computer all day at work, the last thing i want to do when i have free time at home is sit on it again.... so take what you will.

i think i am gonna get some of denise's delicious tuna fish sandwich now. i cant get enough of her tuna and she cant get enough of my curly hair. if only she wasnt a lunchlady with 8 teeth, there might be something there. damn, that rhymed. jslut, out.